Page 79 of The Shadow of Polaris

“NO!” Aryx lunged over the railing, grasping my wrist.

My legs dangled in midair, feet skimming the cool waterline.

“It’s okay,” I whispered.“Just let me go. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. I’ll be free.”

“Elpis, snap out of it! Stop struggling while I pull you up.” His fingers were tight against my wrist, spreading a dull pain through my arm.

He didn’t understand. I yearned for this. I needed that glorious creature against my body. More than I’d needed anything ever before. Those emerald eyes ignited something within me that nothing else ever could. I wanted, more than anything, to be free of this hurt. This pain. This guilt. That divine creature, dripping with grace, offered peace in the palm of his hand. Everything screamed at me to grasp it and sink beneath the surface.

“Let me go! Just let me go! Let me go! Let me go!” I shrieked, my free hand clenched into a fist as I punched toward his face.

“Elpis, stop! I’m trying to help you!” Aryx shouted, his grip tightening until it felt like my wrist would snap.

He wasn’t saving me. He was damning me to a life full of hatred and sadness and fear above the waves. I needed to escape, to take the plunge into the numb existence that waited for me. I couldn’t possibly let him pull me back. My fist connected with his jaw in a swift, frantic uppercut.

“Fuck Elpis, stop!” My wrist slipped from his grip as it loosened from the shock of my punch.

I would take the freedom offered and nothing would stop me. With legs failing and fists swinging, Aryx was forced to release me.

A rush of air exhaled from my lungs as my head sank beneath the surface. Drifting through the water column, all light faded into the murky depths until I was shrouded in complete darkness. My lungs burned, begging for air, but I ignored them.

This was the way to freedom.

This was the way to peace.

I closed my eyes and embraced the panic.

The pressure built in my chest as I sank through the water column. All thoughts faded away until a quiet peace settled in. This was my escape, my freedom. Letting the haze take over, my eyelids drifted closed. The rhythm of my heartbeat slowed as the ache to breathe subsided. I knew I was drowning, but I couldn’t force myself to care. Death felt like an old friend when he came, appearing in glimpses of the numbness I sought for my whole life. He wrapped his warm arms around me until we became one entity, suspended in water, suspended in time.

My heels brushed the sandy bottom. It was close now, my release. The binds around my heart loosened. Any second now and I would be free. The tingles, although faint, tickled up my legs in protest. I fought to suppress them. This demon of mine, she refused to dissolve. Feeling the sediment slip between my toes, I pushed her back. After all, this wasn’t her decision. She wasn’t in control. I was.

I waited to fade to black. Any second now and I would cease to exist. Perfect.

Slimy weeds slithered from the ocean floor and wrapped themselves tightly around my ankles, interrupting my sweet, peaceful death.

My eyes shot open.

I’d been here before.

Although my vision was still blurred, my mind cleared from the fog they had lured me into. Like knives stabbing against the interior walls of my skull, my brain yearned for oxygen. I had to breathe. Panic sunk in as I realized just how close I had come.

Reaching for my dagger, I said my goodbyes to death and slit the weeds from my ankles before they could restrain me further. With each slice, a new weed appeared, holding me in place.

Slice, a vine wrapped around my ankle.

Slice, another around my wrist.

Slice, around my neck.

The slimy weeds wrapped themselves around every inch of exposed skin, forcing the dagger from my hand. I was like a mummy, frantically wailing to escape its dressings.

My muscles pleaded for oxygen. If I didn’t act soon, I’d shut down, leaving the last remnants of life to bubble to the surface. The weeds tightened, totally immobilizing me.

I’d made a grave mistake letting those creatures take over my mind. This was how it ended. There would be no clearing to escape to. I wouldn’t grow old, I wouldn’t love again, I wouldn’t exist at all. Even my demon had faded from me when I called for her.

I truly was going to die. This time, when death appeared, I greeted him as my enemy. He took hold of my hand. My vision blurred as black speckles splintered my eyesight. They doubled. Then tripled. My ears rang from the lack of breath in my lungs, the high-pitched tone sending final shivers down my spine.

Just on the verge of collapsing, a body dove into the water above me. Bubbles raced around it like a torpedo shooting for its target. They sped closer and through my blinded haze, I could make out only a glint of blonde hair in the dim rays of light refracting from the surface.

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