Page 74 of The Shadow of Polaris

He reached for my hands, closing his palms around mine.

“Elpis. Look at me.”

I couldn’t. I knew that if I did, I’d surrender entirely to him.

“Elpis. Look at me,” he said again, tipping my chin up.

Slowly, I raised my gaze, praying to the gods for strength. In this moment of total vulnerability, I’d need more than self will. He clenched his jaw and struggled to form the syllables on the back of his tongue. His internal battleground sketched vividly in each perfect line across his brow. I sucked in a breath, watching as the hardened facade of war faded from his features.

“I love you,” he whispered, the words a delicate sound on the ocean breeze.

I froze. His words felt like tendrils of night wrapping around me, cracking my chest wide open. He’d acknowledged it, brought it into existence without my consent. How could he give me his heart? I would surely destroy- if I hadn’t already.

“Say something,” he begged.

“I-” I trailed off.

I couldn’t admit what I’d known all along. When the time finally came for the truth of my bargain to surface, I hoped to the gods that I wouldn’t be alive to see his heartbreak. He trusted me with everything, with love. I couldn’t face that. I wouldn’t. How could he do this to me?

Anger reared its ugly head. I couldn’t contain the rage now boiling over. Feeling my fingernails dig into the tender flesh of my palms, I stepped back.

Aryx followed my step, pleading for a response. A cold sweat of panic glistened his brow as he watched me transform into the demon I tried so hard to subdue.

“Don’t,” I snipped, pushing him away.

“Elpis. You needed to know. At any second, either of us could be killed. I needed to tell you before I-” His voice cracked. A sharp contrast from the unwavering soldier he’d been merely hours earlier.

“Don’t do that, Aryx. Please. I’m begging you,” I cried, feeling the heat of my tears trickle off my chin.

“I love you. I know you love me too. We’re fated to be together. I could feel it the moment I met you.”

“No, we’re not. We’re not lovers, we’re not friends. We are allies, working toward a common goal. Fighting a common enemy. That is all,” I hissed, throwing his hands away from mine.

The softness in his eyes froze, leaving a shadowy darkness I’d seen only once before. I sucked in a breath. Maybe I’d let my rage get the better of me.

“Do you fuck all of your allies, then?” His voice was bitter, like a frigid whip through my chest.

“Forget it,” he said, turning on his heels.

I watched him, my vision red with rage, as he unlatched the gangway. The shrieks of the pullies sent violent chills down my spine. The planks lowered, joining our two ships.

“I’ve done some terrible things in my life, Elpis. I’ve lied, betrayed, manipulated even, but nothing compares to what you’ve done. Maybe I was wrong about you.” His voice was harsh, each consonant a bite from a vicious tongue.

“You are a monster, and there’s nothing that will ever change that.”

With those final words, he disappeared into the night, returning to his sleeping crew.

My legs felt as if they were bags of sand spilling their grains across the bleached pine decking. Aryx’s words still echoed in my head, like a swarm of wasps stinging the gray matter of my brain over and over and over again.

Chapter 40

Stained glass windows painted the rising morning light with shades of orange and pink. Gemstone chandeliers lined the high courtroom, illuminating the panel of judges that watched with disgusted smirks in their wing backed velvet thrones. The king and queen sat center in the line of unrecognizable faces. I’d never seen them before, but an aura of royalty radiated about them like translucent beams of power washing over their smooth, perfect skin.

The queen, with her neck straightened in elegant nobility, eyed me- her brutal lips pursed. The king, his crown delicate atop his marble-carved brow, burned holes in my chest with his censorious blue eyes.

“Lords and Ladies of the High Court,” a small, measly man squeaked, “we’ve called upon you today to discuss these revoltingly treasonous actions.”

I swallowed hard as hundreds of pairs of eyes turned to face me. The crowd murmured disapprovals as the man carried on.

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