Page 67 of The Shadow of Polaris

“What did you do?” Lytos raised a brow.

“We just… weren’t on the same page, I guess,” I murmured, lowering my eyes to the ground.

“I see.”

We walked in silence down the hill, the clop of his horse’s hooves loud in the thick summer heat.

“You know, Elpis, I’ve known Aryx for a long time, since we were practically boys. He holds so much guilt, so much pain. It’s like a shadow just looming over him all the time. When you two came to the stable, he seemed…lighter, more himself.” Lytos stopped, halting his horse behind him.

Taking my hand, he placed his palm over mine. “It’s because of you. He’s different when you’re around.”

Pulling away, trying to hide the tears now welling in my lower lids, I started for the palace. Taking the hint, Lytos followed my trail. The salt of the air stung at the raw skin beneath my eyes.

I couldn’t breathe.

It was easy to push Aryx away when he was simply the man who’d lied, but now he was the man who was lighter because of me.

A few days from now, we’d be loading our ships and starting the last stretch of our journey. We couldn’t be divided. There were men relying on the strength of their leaders, and right now, I was as fragile as glass. At any moment I was on the brink of shattering, on the losing side of the battle against my demons.

I hated every fiber of my being, every strand of black hair that fell from my head. A part of me, buried beneath muscle tissue and bone, hoped that I’d die on the battlefield. At least that way, I’d spare those around me from my destruction.

Reaching the palace, Lytos said a quick farewell with a light kiss on my cheek. Concern clouded his eyes, scanning my puffy pink face for any glimmer of an explanation. I forced a smile, although soft and sad, and directed him where to find his old friend.

As soon as I clicked my bedchamber’s lock, I collapsed. The walls caved in, pushing on my chest until I took up as little space as I could. I didn’t want to feel anymore, didn’t want to be anymore. I’m not sure how long I stayed glued to the floor, but when I finally gained the strength to climb into bed, ignoring my empty stomach, a wolf outside howled, a pleading cry for the moon.

Chapter 36

Aryx and Lytos were inseparable in the days after his arrival, constantly speaking in serious, hushed voices. I barely left my room, barely ate, barely slept. The only comfort I found was with Arcturas in the palace gardens. In preparing for war, I’d upgraded to a weapon larger than my trusty dagger. In the evenings, when the heat of the day had finally burnt off, we’d sneak to the gardens.

While Arcturas chased squirrels and dragonflies, I practiced my sword skills- swinging and hacking at shrubs and tree trunks until the muscles in my arms were exhausted and refused to raise the weapon. The violent motions eased my aching mind, providing distraction from the hateful thoughts that cascaded through me every waking moment.

My father taught me the basics of swordsmanship, but it had been years since I wielded a blade. My balance was off and my footwork was never quite correct. On the eve before our last, Arcturas and I returned to the garden for one final session.

“When you step into your attack, move a little more to the right. It’ll hold your defensive position from any counter attacks better,” Lytos said from behind me as I swung at my imaginary opponent. Startled, I slid through the gravel, losing control of my blade’s momentum and tumbling to the ground. My hands slipped from the hilt as the weapon spiraled through the air and clattered against a nearby trunk.

“It’s not wise to sneak up on me, especially when I’m armed,” I scowled, wiping the dust from my knees.

“My apologies, My Lady,” he said, offering a hand to help me to my feet. “But if you’d like, I could help you with your footwork. Your blows are powerful. If you tweaked a step here and there, you could be an unstoppable swordsman.”

“I usually train on my own,” I said, smoothing my tunic. The tip of my tailbone ached from the tumble, but I had to continue. If I stopped, even for a moment, the dark thoughts would return.

“Well, I shall be a silent instructor, then. Only observing. I trained beside Aryx for many years. He taught me everything I know. If you’d like my advice, I’m happy to offer it,” he said, nodding and taking a step back.

I took a breath and tried to shut out the extra presence. Lytos watched, leaning against a large willow tree, for the rest of my session. With every clumsy misstep, he’d whisper a correction under his breath.

Swing.

“Shift your weight more as you follow through.”

Swing.

“Good, now remember to step to the right as you attack.”

Swing.

“Yes, perfect. Try it again.”

It had grown dark by the time my body succumbed to exhaustion. Hobbling and sore, I started for my bedchamber. Lytos, with his fingers interlaced behind his back, followed, as silent as he’d promised to be.

---