Page 25 of The Shadow of Polaris

“It’s a clear one tonight,” he said, silver moonlight reflecting off his sharp jawline. “I haven’t seen the stars quite like this in a long time.”

Not a grey cloud was visible above us. We stopped to admire the infinite stretch of galaxies and constellations extending from horizon to horizon. I took a long breath, letting the calmness of the night wash through me.

“My mother used to tell me the myths and legends of the sky when I was a child. There was a time when I could recite any of the constellations and their fables.” Rune’s expression grew dim.

“I don’t think I remember a single one now, though.”

A nighthawk screeched from above, its raven-colored wingspan nearly invisible against the blackness of the sky as it soared across the courtyard.

“How did you lose her?” I asked, hoping I hadn’t overstepped.

He was quiet for a while, contemplating a response.

With a voice, nearly a whisper, he said, “She was sick.”

We circled the courtyard once more.

“Flatland creatures killed my mother when I was young. I know what it’s like to have someone you loved taken from you.”

Faces of everyone I’d lost throughout my life blurred together. My mother. My father. Vikar. Even my sister. I hadn’t realized I’d grown so quiet until Rune took my hand in his. That familiar spark pricked at the skin beneath his touch and it took everything in me not to jerk away from it.

“You have the look,” he said, eyes burning into mine.

“What look?”

“The look of someone who’s far too familiar with loss. I can see it behind those eyes of yours, no matter how hard you try to hide it. It’s there.”

The warmth of his hand against mine rose through my arm and into my chest, causing my heart to thud rapidly.

I scanned his expression, looking for something, anything, that’d give away his thoughts right now. There was nothing but kindness. Kindness and a trace of heartbreak.

“You have the look too, then.”

I couldn’t break the line of energy that buzzed between us.

He nodded, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand.

Draped in curtains of moonlight, we stood there, reflecting on the demons of grief and trauma from our pasts.

I hadn’t realized I was crying until Rune lifted a finger to my cheek. He wiped a salty bead of memories from my skin.

I’d been isolated, beaten, humiliated, destroyed.

My life, my future, had all been stripped from me in a matter of seconds.

My fate was decided for me.

I was losing control. My choices in life were stolen away with each passing day.

Maybe it was time I stole them back.

I was free from that tower and all the horrors it brought, but fear had been my true jailer. Fear of those shadows that dripped from my palms, fear of the Spring Queen and her vicious words. Most of all, I realized, fear of what might happen if I let myself out of that place I’d run to when everything fell apart.

What would happen if I unlocked the door? Even for a moment.

I wouldn’t be afraid anymore. I leaned into Rune and brushed my lips against his. Everything inside me erupted with life. His lips burned against mine, stunned into stillness for a split second, then moving fiercely, matching the rhythm of my own. Draping my arms around his neck, I stepped into him, letting the ember of his body against mine send shockwaves throughout me.

I didn’t care if this was foolish. I didn’t care if he did not know who I really was. I wanted this- maybe even needed this. It was just me and him, beneath a washing of stars. It wasn’t just a glimpse I’d set free, but my complete self. The brightness of who I’d been cast out those demons that had taken control. Even if only for a moment. There was nothing beyond where our lips met. Tears swelled and streaked my face. Here and now, I was truly and utterly free.

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