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I stay silent.

“Elsie. I know what it’s like not to have a dad around. I get that. But What are you really afraid of?” He says gently. “I’m not going anywhere. I told you, keep telling you, I’m in. All in.”

“I...” I choke on the rest of my words, seeing the earnestness on his face.

“You’re not alone in this. I won’t let you do this by yourself. I...” He shakes his head. “You mean a lot to me, and I really value my relationship with you.”

“What are you saying?” I ask.

“You’re, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you sound scared, Elsie. And if there’s anything I can do to take away that fear, then let me know.” He explains.

But I still have no reply for him.

“What do you need from me? How can I help?” He presses.

“Quit,” I whisper.

“I can’t.” He replies softly.

Silence extends between us, and at this moment, I fully feel the miles between us.

He’s so far away.

So distant.

“I don’t know how to fix this.” He says.

“Me either.”

“Why don’t we start...” He straightens up in the chair he’s sitting in. “I’ll get permission to call you more. We’ll call and talk like this. Just...”

“How often?” I ask, grasping for any solid foundation I can find with him.

“I’ll see, but daily if I can pull it off.” He says. “Okay?”

“Okay.” I nod.

“Elsie... You know I...”

“Stop.” I cut him off. “Don’t make this harder by saying something you’ll regret later.”

“I would never regret telling you that I...”

“Just don’t.” I interrupt him again, talking faster this time. “I’ll talk to you later. Let me know if you get permission to call and when.”

Then I snap the computer closed and fall back in my chair.

Tears rim my eyes, and I take in deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart.

“It’s gonna be okay, Elsie,” I tell myself. “You’re gonna be just fine.”

Chapter 23

Marshall

June 23 — 25 Weeks 1 Day, Acorn Squash

Coming home after another hitch away on the rig is a weight off my shoulders.

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