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There’s nothing to change that now.

So, I shut down the mounting sorrow that threatens me with tears and turn back to the moment.

“If you can send me an email with details, I’ll come by later today if that works,” I say into the phone, my voice colder than before.

“Yes. Of course.” The lawyer says before confirming my contact information with me.

When I hang up the phone, it’s like everything crashes over me all at once.

The room disappears around me, and all I’m left with is an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. Where you would expect grief to form in my chest, there’s nothing.

I’ve grieved the loss of my father for years, working through the abuse and neglect on my own.

There’s nothing left to grieve anymore.

He’s been gone from my life for a long time.

There’s no point spilling tears over a man who couldn’t have cared less to be the father I needed when he was alive.

Why cry over him in death?

“Elsie?” Marshall’s voice and a slight tug on my hand bring me back from my thoughts. “Elsie, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I say, gathering myself and straightening my posture. “The lawyer said she would send me more information. So, let’s get through this appointment, and then I imagine I will need to go over to her office by then.”

“Elsie,” Marshall says in a soft tone.

“Do not make this worse, Marshall.” I snap, causing his eyes to widen at my censure. “I’m fine.”

The rest of the doctor’s appointment passes in a blur. I’m grateful for Marshall’s presence as I’m barely able to hold myself together for the duration of our time once the doctor arrives, much less ask questions.

I gather the important information, me and baby look healthy, and I’m on schedule for delivery as planned.

Good.

That’s what I need.

I need something good to hold onto.

And soon, I’ll have the best and purest joy in the world to hold in my arms and make everything okay.

It’s going to be okay.

It has to be.

Chapter 34

Marshall

Marshall

Elsie’s gone cold and quiet in a way I haven’t seen since before I moved in with her.

Seeing such a dramatic shift occur so suddenly has shown just how much she’s changed in the past months.

She’s become a lighter, happier person.

I like to think I have something to do with the shift in her life, but it’s hard to remember that in moments when she goes so cold like this.

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