Page 218 of My Rules

I stir the spaghetti Bolognese that I’m making as my mind races off on another tangent. It’s like I’ve become this superdetective again, analyzing everything that comes out of his mouth.

I want to believe that nothing is happening. I want this just to be a scar from my past relationship. But the reality is that things aren’t adding up.

And I hate feeling like this and being insecure.

I would rather be single.

I don’t want to ask him why he changed his passcode because then it will only give him a chance to lie to me, and I know as soon as he does that, our relationship is over.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. My phone vibrates on the bench, and I pick it up.

“Hi, babe,” Blake’s happy voice sounds down the phone.

“Hi.” My heart goes into my throat. Don’t say it; please don’t say it.

“I’ve got to work late tonight. The children’s ward is swamped. I’ll be late.”

“Okay.” I force the words out.

“Don’t wait up, okay?”

My eyes well with tears. “Sure.”

“You okay?”

“Yep. Good night,” I whisper through the lump in my throat.

“I love you,” he says.

I hang up before he has a chance to hear my tears or feel my heartbreak through the phone.

It’s happening again.

My stomach rolls, and I heave and run for the bathroom. I fall to my knees and throw up violently into the toilet as the tears run down my face.

Dear god, it’s happening again.

I sip my coffee and stare across the table at my friends as I contemplate telling them my deepest fear.

It doesn’t feel like that long ago that we were having this exact same conversation about another man in my life, and I’m embarrassed that I’m the only one who seems to bring these conversations to the table.

Chloe and Juliet chat away happily, but I feel like I’m hovering way above, watching their perfect lives unfold. Oliver and Chloe have just moved in together, and Henley and Juliet are in bliss with their bundle of joy.

And me ... it seems as though I’m just about to go back to square one.

Juliet looks over and frowns. “Are you okay, Bec? You’re very quiet today.”

I force a smile. “Just got a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

“Like what?” Chloe asks.

“I think Blake is seeing somebody else on the side.” I sip my coffee casually, as if this is not the end of the world for me.

The girls’ faces fall. “What do you mean?” Juliet whispers. “What’s happened?”

“Lots of things, and yet ...” I shrug. “Nothing at all.”

“Well?” Chloe prompts. “Details.”

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