Page 148 of My Rules

“Okay.” I open the app and go through my matches.

“How many do you have?” He frowns as he looks down at my phone. “Did everyone on the app swipe on you?”

I shrug. “I’m a woman, and men are pretty easy to ...” I widen my eyes. “Hook.”

I scroll and scroll. “This is me,” he says.

“Which one?”

“Go back.”

I scroll back up, and there’s a picture taken from behind of a man with a surfboard.

“This isn’t you.” I frown.

“Well, it is. About ten years ago.” He sips his wine again. “In Spain, I think.”

“Okay.” I smile as I swipe on him. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

I read the bio.

Looking for Andie Anderson.

“Oh my god.” I put my hand to my mouth in surprise. “That is your heading?”

He chuckles and throws me a sexy wink. “Works every time.”

“You are the living end.” I laugh out loud.

“Andie Anderson is the quintessential dream girl ... even for me.”

I laugh harder. Andie Anderson is the lead character in the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

“That is good, I have to admit. Every woman on earth knows who Andie Anderson is ... and wants to be her. They also want a Benjamin.”

He gives me a slow, sexy smile.

I keep reading.

Qualities: Fun loving.

Interested in: Margarita-loving people.

“Wait a minute, is this aimed at ...”

“Who doesn’t love a good margarita?”

I smile and keep reading.

Favorite Pastime: Ripping the nets off those slutty oranges.

Huh? I get a vision of how you have to tear the oranges out of their bag, and I throw my head back and laugh out loud. “Are you serious?”

“Deadly.” He laughs too. “You got to admit, they’re begging for it. Tearing off those net bags is the highlight of my life.”

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read, and I can’t stop laughing. It’s so true. Tearing the nets off oranges is just like tearing off fishnet stockings.

“Those slutty oranges . . .”

---