Page 110 of My Rules

The mind boggles.

Blake stands at the end of the bed as he looks around. “Barry,” he calls.

Silence . . .

I sit up too. “Barry,” I call. He barks from upstairs. “Come down here for walkies.”

He barks again in excitement, and I can hear his tail hitting the wall as he wags it.

I drag myself out of bed and walk into the bathroom as I hear Barry clomping down the stairs.

“Oh shit ...,” I hear Blake say. “What did you do?”

Huh?

I try to hurry up.

“What happened?” I call.

“We’ve got a problem out here.” I hear Blake walking up the stairs. “What the fuck?” he yells. “No, Barry. No. Oh my fuck ...” I hear Barry happily bouncing around, as if this is the best game of all time.

“What happened?” I call.

Silence . . .

“What happened?” I call louder.

For fuck’s sake, can someone answer me already? I quickly finish and wash my hands; I open the door to see Barry standing there, looking up at me all innocent-like.

Only he isn’t innocent at all. His snout is covered in all different kinds of bright colors ... What? I frown as I lean down to look closer at him. “Lipstick!” I cry. I take the stairs two at a time and notice red smears on the carpet on every step. “Oh my god.”

“I wouldn’t come up here if I were you,” Blake calls. “It’s a crime scene.”

I come flying around the corner to see Blake down on his hands and knees, and my eyes widen in horror at the carnage. My ripped makeup bag is on the floor, and every single piece of makeup that I own is chewed up, destroyed, and smeared all over the floor. The lipstick canisters are squished with teeth marks all through them, and the eyeshadows are shattered into a million pieces. I pick up my brand-new mascara that I haven’t even used yet; it’s so chewed up that you can’t even open it.

“Barry!” I cry.

Barry looks up at me and wags his tail and smiles, and it’s then that I see his teeth are all covered in lipstick. A dog with lipstick on his teeth isn’t something I see every day, and I burst out laughing.

“I fail to see the humor,” Blake mumbles as he tries to pick up the mess.

Barry barks and leans back onto his hind legs in excitement for his walk.

“No walking today,” Blake huffs. “You’re grounded, mutt.”

“Everybody sit on the mat, please,” I call to my class. “Our very special visitor will be here any moment.” I look around at all the excited little faces. “Let’s see how straight we can sit up.” I straighten my back as I sit cross-legged on the mat with them. “I win.” I smile. “Am I sitting up the straightest?”

Everybody sits so straight that they are nearly doing a backbend. “Look at me, Miss Dalton,” Wendy calls.

“Oh yes, very impressive.”

“I’m winning now,” Brandon tells us.

“Wow,” I agree. “You are so straight.”

“Hello, everyone,” comes a calm voice from the doorway. “My oh my, look how fabulous you are all sitting.”

The children all smile proudly.

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