Page 98 of The Bonus

“Get to know them first.”

“If you live in New York, you can come back here every weekend.”

“What?” I explode. “Can you even hear yourself? You have absolutely no interest in these children and their well-being. Let me get this straight, you want them to live in New York through the week and come back here on the weekends?”

“Yes.”

“But you work fourteen-hour days through the week.”

He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off.

“And at the time when you could actually spend some quality time with them on the weekends, you want to pack them up and send them back here to get out of your hair.”

“That isn’t how it is.”

“That’s exactly how it is.” I march to the door and open it. “Get out.”

Gabriel

My blood boils, the audacity of this woman.

“You need to think long and hard about this, Gabriel.”

“Think about what, exactly, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means if you decide you want to be a father, it’s a full-time job. Every sporting match, every dance practice. Every vomiting bug and cold, every damn meltdown. You do not get to pick and choose what you are present for in their lives. I will not have my children pine for their absent workaholic father.” She shrugs.

“And then what happens when you have more children and you have even less time?” She throws her hands up in the air. “You want to move them away from all of their friends and then your new bride gets pregnant and you and her are super busy doing baby things and she doesn’t want them around…what happens to them then?”

My heart drops.

“It’s all…or nothing, Gabriel.”

I stare at her for a beat, and her demeanor changes from aggressive to empathetic.

“Look, I know this isn’t how you wanted things to go, me neither, but it happened, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you back then, but I was only trying to protect them.”

“From their own father?” I gasp.

“You need to go home and really think about this,” she says sadly. “And if you decide that this is all too hard, I understand. I get it, I really do.” She shrugs. “Everybody will be none the wiser, and when the children are old enough to understand the dynamics, we can tell them together then.”

I stare at her for a beat.

“You’re not the bad guy here, Gabriel, I know I did the wrong thing by not telling you, but I was scared and alone and it hasn’t been easy. I’ve cried myself to sleep more times than I can count, but I have put their needs first every single time, and you coming here with your selfish demands, wanting to upend their entire lives so that you don’t feel like a failure, is just not going to cut it. They deserve better than a half-assed father with a point to prove.”

I get a lump in my throat.

“Do you know why I didn’t want to tell you?”

“Enlighten me.”

“Because in the eyes of your family and to the rest of the world, they are and always will be the illegitimate children who were conceived on your desk late one night with your PA. They will never fit into your life, Gabriel, don’t you see?” Her eyes well with tears. “I don’t want them to feel like second-class citizens, and if they go to New York…that’s exactly how it will be. Your family will never accept them. They will always be Gabriel Ferrara’s bastard children.”

My heart sinks.

“If you want them in your life, and I really hope you do, you need to immerse yourself in their world and build a relationship with them. I cannot allow them into yours until I know for certain that their hearts are safe.”

I clench my jaw.

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