Page 69 of The Bonus

“I should.”

“The only reason I told you is because deep down, I knew you wouldn’t be.”

“How?” I ask.

“What?”

“How did you know I wouldn’t be excited?”

She stares at me for a beat. “I watch the two of you together and it’s obvious that his affection is greater than yours. His commitment to the relationship is stronger than yours. He’s one hundred percent all in, and you’re…just not.”

“I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me,” I whisper. “Russel is my dream guy, everything about him is perfect. But…” My voice trails off.

“He’s not him.”

“This has nothing to do with Gabriel,” I snap, annoyed.

“Doesn’t it?” she snaps back. “I think it does. I think you’re still hopelessly in love with Gabriel Ferrara, and no man, no matter how perfect he is will ever live up to him.”

“That’s complete bullshit. I haven’t thought of Gabriel in years.”

“Grace.” She squeezes my hand in hers. “You need to learn to love what’s good for you.”

Her silhouette blurs.

“Russel is good for you.” She gives me a sad smile. “He loves you.”

“I know.”

“If you don’t love him enough to marry him, you need to stop being selfish and let him go so that he can find someone else.”

I screw up my face in tears. “I don’t want to lose him.”

“Then don’t.” She smiles. “Marry him, be happy. Because that’s what you deserve. A man that worships the ground you walk on.”

The thought of marrying Russel rolls my stomach, in fact the thought of marrying anyone rolls my stomach.

“Please, Grace. Think on this, don’t mess up a perfect relationship because you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared, Deb, that isn’t it.”

“What is it, then?”

“The reality is…” sadness fills me to say this out loud, “…something is missing with Russ.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. If I knew, I would fix it.”

Gabriel

I slide the king into place. “Checkmate.”

Mark rolls his eyes.

“Beating you is becoming boring.” I sigh.

“I only play with you because you pay me to,” he replies dryly.

---