Page 57 of The Bonus

My dumpster fire box has worked a treat and Deb was right, venting on paper and putting it into the box is cathartic. Lately, I’ve turned my venting into poetry. I just write whatever whenever and none of it makes sense, but somehow it makes me feel better. As if releasing all the negativity from inside makes room for all the joy.

I open my notepad and chew on my pen while I think, what will I write today? I think for a moment.

I can forgive him for not loving me.

What I can’t forgive is myself,

for ever believing that he could.

I close the notepad and the evening breeze whips my hair around, the birds begin to chirp as the beautiful pink glow lights up the sky. It really is a sight to behold.

The magic is here…

Gabriel

The sound of the engines roar around the circuit, the car pulls in and the pit crew jump into action.

Monaco, the Grand Prix.

I’m in the marquee that’s overlooking the track. “Here you go, sir.” The waiter delivers my scotch on a tray.

“Thank you.” The atmosphere is electric, the crowd huge with beautiful people everywhere you look.

“So where are you based?” the beautiful blonde asks.

“New York.”

“My favorite city in the world.”

“We have something in common.” I raise my glass.

“I’m sure we have a lot in common.” She gives me a sexy smile and I look over her shoulder and see the unmistakable auburn hair.

Is that…

I watch the woman from behind, wearing a red dress and laughing as she talks to someone. My heart skips a beat.

Gracie.

“So what do you…”

“Excuse me.” I brush past the woman and walk straight over. “Gracie.”

The woman turns and my face falls, it isn’t her. “Excuse me, my apologies. I thought you were someone else.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.” She smiles.

“Not at all.” I fake a smile and walk to the bar; I wait in line with a full drink in my hand.

“Everything all right?” Mark asks from beside me.

I glance up. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You thought that was Grace Porter, didn’t you?”

“Who?” I act oblivious.

“You know, I hate seeing your face fall every time you see a redhead.”