Page 186 of The Bonus

“So…”

“So what?”

“How was it?”

“It was porn sex.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Stupidly good.”

“Hmm.” She thinks for a moment. “It might work out.”

“It’s not going to work out, Deb,” I whisper angrily. “I don’t even want it to work out. Yes, he’s hot, but he’s a controlling, power-hungry asshole who is going to break my heart, and that’s after he’s stripped every piece of confidence I ever had from me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes. I do.”

“Mom,” calls a voice from the back door. I turn to see Dom standing by the back stairs, his hair all messed up, and he’s in his striped pajamas.

“Got to go.”

“What are you going to do?” Deb asks.

“Fake my death is sounding good.” I hang up and walk to Dominic and take him in my arms. “Good morning, my special little guy.” He holds me close for an extended time.

My favorite thing in the world is the morning hugs that my children both give me, it’s as if they haven’t seen me for a year.

Lucia walks out sleepily; she’s carrying her teddy and is all crumpled and sleepy. I bend and hug her next. “Where’s Dad?” she asks casually.

My world spins on its axis.

Dad.

Suddenly, I feel overemotional. I’m going to screw this up for them. This is going to go bad between us and he’s going to leave them and it’s going to be all my fault.

“He’s still sleeping.”

“Can we watch cartoons?” Dom asks.

“Sure.”

“Can we have Pop-Tarts for breakfast?”

I’m having tequila.

“Why not?”

They settle in on the couch and begin to watch their shows as I try to come up with a crisis-management plan.

Okay…I think long and hard as I stand at the sink, looking out the window over the lake.

What now?

This doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel elated or on a high or even remotely excited.

All I can sense is dread. A weighted heavy blanket of oncoming doom.

“Good morning.” I hear Gabriel’s smooth voice from behind me.

“Hello,” Lucia calls.

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