Page 136 of The Bonus

“I went looking for her.”

She stills and turns back toward me. “You went looking for her?”

I nod, ashamed.

“Why would you go looking for her?” She drops back to sit down beside me, her eyes filled with tears.

I stare at her, the guilt in my soul feels like it’s about to smother me to death.

“I don’t know,” I whisper.

“Yes you do.” A tear escapes and rolls down her cheek. “For god’s sake, Gabriel. If you care for me at all, you at least owe me honesty.”

I roll my lips, unsure what to say to try to keep this from tipping her over the edge.

“Did you love her?” she whispers.

“I…”

“Back then, did you love her?” she says more sternly.

“Yes.”

“So why did you break up?”

“Because she wasn’t Italian.”

Her face falls as she puts the pieces of the puzzle together. “So you went looking for the woman you loved all those years ago to find that she has two of your children?”

I nod.

Her chest rises and falls as she battles for control. “You want a life with them…”

Her silhouette blurs, the lump in my throat blocking the air.

“Gabriel?” she whispers as her eyes search mine. “Please tell me I’m wrong…”

“No.”

“No, you don’t want a life with them?” she asks hopefully.

“I mean… You are not wrong.” I shrug. “The last thing I want to do is to hurt you, Ariana. I love you. You know I love you.”

“But are you in love with me?” she whispers.

I blink to stop the tears.

Slap.

I feel the sting of her hit as it turns my head.

“We are to be married in three weeks,” she cries as she loses all control. “How the fuck could you do this to me?” She picks up her wineglass and hurls it at my head, it smashes against the wall. Red wine sprays everywhere.

“Calm down.”

“Calm down!” she screams. “I will not fucking calm down. You are leaving me for another woman nineteen days before our wedding. What happened last weekend, did you sleep with her?” she yells. “Is that why we haven’t had sex this week, because you still had the taste of your trashy PA on your tongue?”

I stand, my temper beginning to rise. “Enough,” I yell.

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