Page 45 of The Bonus

The ground moves beneath me as my every fear comes to fruition.

My nostrils flare as I try to hold it together. “He said that?”

She nods, and it’s obvious that she knows this visit was of a personal nature. “Let me look through his calendar and I’ll try to find you another appointment.” She brings up the computer and glances over to her co-worker. “Umm, unfortunately, he doesn’t have an opening until August.” She winces as if she cares. “I’m sorry.”

I nod and step back from the desk. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life.

Not as sorry as he’s going to be.

“Thanks.”

For nothing.

I turn, and with my heart breaking in my chest, I march toward the front doors, the stupid tears building like a tidal wave.

And now I know, that’s it. It’s really over forever, he doesn’t want to see me.

There goes my happy ending.

I push through the glass doors and into the cold New York air. My heart is hurting.

Did that really just happen?

Oh my god, oh my god.

Oh my fucking god.

I look up and down the street, I need to get out of here. A barrage of familiar feelings comes flooding back and I suddenly remember why I chose to leave.

I need to get as far away from this man as quickly as I can.

This man, this place, is toxic.

I need to go home.

I march out to the street and put my arm up for a cab, one instantly pulls up and I dive into the back seat.

The driver takes one look at my face. “Are you okay, miss?”

I can’t act tough any longer, and I screw up my face in tears, the lump in my throat hurts as I try to hold it together. “Not really.” I wipe my eyes in a dramatic fashion. “But I will be.”

No matter what the conditions, this baby will never be enough for him. He will always despise the fact that it isn’t Italian, that he didn’t choose to have it.

Imagine growing up knowing that your own father hates you.

I screw up my face in tears.

The car weaves in and out of the New York traffic and I put my hand over my stomach and make a vow.

I failed to protect myself from him, but I will always protect you.

I cry as I take my diamond bracelet off. I will never put this back on again. It’s physically hard to take off because I can’t see through my tears.

This was my most prized possession and now he’s ruined it forever.

This is the last pain he will ever cause.

He will never get the chance to hurt my baby like he has me.

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