Page 224 of The Bonus

“It was okay.”

His eyes search mine. “Apologies for…” he shrugs, “…being…”

“Yourself.” I finish his sentence.

“I was going to say asshole, but yourself is the same thing, I guess.”

I nod, unsure how to reply.

“When you told me you didn’t want me…” he hesitates, “…I don’t know what came over me…it…it made me nasty.”

I don’t want to get into a forgiveness conversation, I want to stay mad at him.

Mad is safe, mad keeps him away…so I choose to stay silent instead.

We sit for a while and watch the kids; it seems so weird having him sitting here beside me…watching his kids too.

Another couple sit beside him and he begins to chat with the dad, and I look over and the drink table needs help. “I’m going to go and help them,” I whisper, trying not to interrupt his conversation.

“Sure, babe.” His eyes flick to meet mine. He seems as surprised as I am by his comment and some kind of moment passes between us.

It feels…I don’t even know.

Fuck.

I rush to the drink table and begin pouring drinks, it’s busy and hectic but it gives me an excuse not to sit beside him.

I’m going to stay here all night.

The night is coming to an end, and the DJ comes onto the microphone. “Can I have all the parents on the dance floor, please. If you don’t have a partner here, grab somebody.”

I stay standing by the drink table. Someone may be thirsty, after all.

Parents begin to pile onto the dance floor and I watch on with my arms folded.

“Gracie,” his deep voice purrs from behind me. “This is us. We’re dancing.”

“I’m good.” I fake a smile. “Really.” He takes my hand and drags me onto the dance floor.

Willie Nelson’s “You Were Always on My Mind” begins to play.

Not this song…anything but this song.

Gabriel pulls me into his arms and holds me tight.

He stares down at me as we begin to sway to the music.

I awkwardly look anywhere but at him.

He smiles softly. “It’s fitting.”

“What is?”

“That this song is playing.” He pulls me closer and an electrical current runs between us. “It’s about us.”

“Stop it.”

“You were always on my mind, Grace,” he whispers. “Never once were you far from my thoughts.”

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