Page 102 of Kept in the Dark

She was angry at herself for wanting to kiss him in that moment. Because as angry as she was at him, she still missed what they once had. She missed their meaningful conversations, the way he made her feel safe, the way he held her and kissed her. She missed Chase Renner.

But she also knew that was a lifetime ago. And she was no longer the same person.

The fact he was married and pining for her showed that he had changed as well. The Chase she had known would have never betrayed his wife’s trust.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that Gavin had stepped closer to them, making himself known. Sara didn’t know if it was for the sake of his promise to Trey or because he was jealous and concerned. Sara looked at him and smiled gently, trying to put him at ease.

Chase saw the exchange. Gavin stood, arms crossed, glaring at Chase. After a moment, Chase looked back at Sara.

“So, you really are going to move on? We could have a second chance, like Hailey and Trey. Do you really want to throw that away?”

Sara studied his face. She had been heartbroken when their relationship ended. She had been selfish and more concerned with getting drunk and high to even notice the amazing man she had in front of her at such a young age.

But even from the beginning she somehow knew it would never work. Chase was a great man…or had been. He was willing to give up anything and everything for Sara’s happiness and, as an adult, Sara could see how toxic that was.

Even as an eighteen-year-old, she would often get annoyed with Chase for being so doting. He wouldn't fight with her or fight for what he wanted. He simply rolled over and did whatever she said. He expected her to spend every waking minute with him, giving him more than she had to offer.

But she needed someone who would challenge her when she needed it. Who would respect her privacy and secrets. She needed someone who was content with what little she had to offer.

Somehow, even then, she had known it wouldn’t have worked.

Which is why she slept with her casting director.

She was bored and wanted to spice things up. She was tired of having a yes-man and wanted someone who would make her feel alive (even if it was only for one night). She wanted to feel free, something she’d never truly felt before.

She told Chase about her affair, and he had quickly forgiven her, surprisingly to her dismay. Then he said he would follow her to New York and support her with anything she wanted. It was in that moment she couldn’t breathe, much like she couldn’t now. Chase suffocated her and she needed freedom.

Yet, she had still loved him so deeply it scared her.

Thirteen years later he was still suffocating her.

And she was still so deeply in love with him it scared her.

But this time, she wasn’t calling it quits out of selfishness. This time, she was doing it because she loved herself enough to choose what was best for her. For the first time in her life, she was making the right choice and not the selfish choice.

And maybe that meant she needed to put her revenge to rest. Her sister was right, it would only bring more heartache. Hailey deserved her second chance at having a family. Trinity deserved to have a relationship with her father. Gavin deserved happiness. And Carter…he should still be alive.

And Sara deserved better. She deserved a life of peace.

Sara sighed. “I can’t do this, Chase. I don’t want to do this. I don’t love you anymore.” She eyed Gavin. “I’m seeing someone else, and I really like him.”

Chase clenched his jaw as she continued, “Go work things out with your wife. You deserve someone who can make you happy and that’s not me.”

With that, Sara left Chase standing on the sidewalk.

She didn’t want to. Selfishly, she wanted to rekindle the fire they once had, to build a life with him, to pretend the last thirteen years had never happened. But she couldn’t.

She would always be seen as the villain, even if she was truly the princess who had been left behind in the tower. But instead of being a damsel in distress, she would save herself.

If she had learned anything over the last decade it was that you can’t depend on anyone to save you.

Either you saved yourself or you died while you waited for someone else to do it.

July 7, 2011

12:45 pm

Today was the first day Hailey had gotten out of bed. Her sides and abdomen were sore, and bruises covered her body. It hurt to move. But more than that, her heart was heavy. Their friend was dead, and she was to blame.

---