Her fingers were practically shaking.
“If something has happened to you—” she started to say, before pressing her lips together again. “While you were here?—”
Her eyes finally met mine, and she couldn’t go through with whatever she was trying to ask.
“Just tell me what it is. I can take it.” I reached across and placed my hand on hers.
“Miss Nadir, you appear to be pregnant.” She gulped down the lump in her throat after speaking.
My mind went blank.
As much as I tried, I couldn’t process what she said, or maybe I didn’t want to. “Preg…nant?”
She began speaking as if she couldn’t stop. “You appear to be at least three months along. You’re so malnourished that your belly isn’t even noticeable.”
Both of our minds still reeled from the information.
“I can’t… I can’t. What am I supposed to do? I’m supposed to have a baby here in this god-awful place?” The realization began to set in.
My heart pounded so violently against my ribs that I was afraid they would break.
My blood boiled red hot, but my skin was ice cold.
My lungs felt like someone was squeezing the life from them.
Every breath I drew was shorter than the last.
My eyesight began to wither and blur as I looked around at my mausoleum.
I can’t have a baby here. I can’t have his baby! That monster that trapped me here…
“I want to speak to my mema.” I brought my knees up to my chest and buried my face away.
“I don’t know that I can…” As much as the nurse knew it would be against the rules, she couldn’t bring herself to deny me. She dropped her head and nodded slightly. I can’t allow you to use the phone here. They listen to every conversation, and I don’t think you’d survive the punishment they’d give you when they found out. But I do have another idea.”
She shot up from her chair and walked over to the back of the Infirmary, gathering things into a bowl. “I can send you back to your cell with these. I’ll tell the guards they’re for healing purposes, but you should be able to use this to contact your family telepathically.”
“You could still get into a lot of trouble for giving me this stuff,” I warned her, but it didn’t stop me from taking the bowl of things she offered me.
“I don’t know that I’d be able to sleep at night if I didn’t do something. At least, with you being pregnant, I can offer you some protection. I’m just sorry I can’t do more.” The lack of help she could afford me clearly pained her.
Still, I was more grateful than she will ever know for what she has done. I clutched the bowl close to my chest, feeling a small stem of hope root itself in the pit of my stomach.
She guided me to the front of the Infirmary, but before opening the door, she stopped me. “You don’t deserve to be here. Most of the inmates don’t. What they’re doing is wrong. I just wanted you to know that it doesn’t go unseen. There are people on the outside trying to stop it. I pray they’re successful.” She had the comforting air of a mother, and I needed nothing more at that moment. She opened the door for me, and the safety I felt in the infirmary dissipated as I entered the hallways.
Two guards walked behind me, guiding me back to my cell.
One of them pulled the gate open, and the other put their hands on my back and pushed me in.
I tripped over one of my cellmates, but Dineta caught me.
“Thank Solare, you’re alright! I would start gnawing on these bars to get to you.” Dineta laughed but couldn’t hide the deep concern. Her laugh faded as soon as she saw my face. “You look as white as a ghost. What did the nurse say?”
The hopelessness building up inside me had finally surfaced, and with all my strength, I couldn’t push it back down.
I lowered my head into Dineta’s shoulder and crumbled.
She pulled me in tightly, and I could feel her heart pound with panic. It almost beat in tandem with mine. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it. I’m here for you, always.”