Even if Dawson had succeeded in behaving like a gentleman, Josh had never managed to hold onto any control around her. To be that close to her, smell her, with her eyes flashing up at him. To dive his hands into her hair and drag her face up to his and steal her breath as he lost his own, pressing his hips against hers until the friction between them incinerated their clothes off their bodies and they lost themselves in each other for hours.
No. After seeing those photos, it was clear nothing was going on between Dawson and Cass.Still. Another man knew what her lips tasted like. And he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
“What Cass does is not my business,” he said flatly.
“For fuck’s sake.” Stephen crossed the few steps from the tiny kitchen and back into the living area, yanking the wireless keyboard out from under Josh’s hands “I’ve watched you act like a prickly bastard for years, having temper tantrums when you can’t use your words like a big boy. ”
If his so-called friend didn’t shut his trap, Josh would rip the keyboard out of his hands and snap it across his knee. “I don’t have temper?—”
“All the time, my dude. You are the most confrontation-phobic person I’ve ever met. I always thought you acted like a dick because you didn’t like people?—”
“I don’t like people.”
“But I think it’s because you don’t want people getting close. And for some ungodly reason, Cass was able to get past your bullshit, but now you’re making both of you suffer because you can’t figure your shit out.”
Fuck. Stephen was right. Wrapping himself in barbed wire had worked. If people didn’t get close, they couldn’t get hurt. If they couldn’t get hurt, he couldn’t disappoint them. Everyone he was close to got hurt or disappointed. His grandparents, his sister, Vivian.
Cass, most of all. She hadn’t done anything wrong except fall in love with the wrong man.
Josh dropped his head into his hands. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispered.
“Yeah, you do. Let her in.”
And show her every embarrassing, ugly part of himself? Fear spider-walked over his skin, and he wanted to shrink his head below the collar of his tee. “How?”
“You’re coming to me for advice about women?”
Not women. Cass. “Just shows you how low I’ve stooped.”
“You know her. You’ll figure it out.” Stephen dropped to the couch and his voice grew softer. “Since we’re being all open and shit, I need to tell you something. I’m moving back to Calgary.”
Josh’s sleep-deprived brain spun in his skull as he turned to look at his best friend. “What?”
“Come on, you can’t be surprised. I’ve been crashing on your couch for a year.”
“You never slept on my couch?—”
“You know what I mean.” Stephen clasped his hands, elbows on his knees. “This isn’t home. And I don’t want to be away from Libby again. We want to have a family, buy a house. Terry has a lead on a permanent gig for me.”
“Well, shit. That’s awesome.”
Stephen was wrong. It was a surprise. Not the moving back to Calgary part. His best friend looked happier and healthier than Josh had ever seen him. What was surprising was that Josh envied him.
When people had said they were getting married for the past few years, he’d scoffed. Silently, because he wasn’t that much of an asshole, but he’d gritted out congratulations while internally recoiling at the thought of a lifetime with the same person. Even standing at the alter with Vivian, he’d never thought about the implications of what a lifetime meant.
But with Cass …
Going to bed with her, waking up with her in his arms. Telling her some filthy joke to get her musical laugh trilling through the air, then her matching his energy. Bringing each other’s visions to life. Going from production to production, wherever the story took them. Vancouver, Calgary, fucking Antarctica.
It didn’t matter where, as long as they were together. Who needed a permanent address when a person was home?
Let her in. If that’s what it took, he’d find a way. Not having her wasn’t an option.
He wiped a hand down his face and turned back to the paparazzi photos.
It wasn’t a mystery where these had come from. Calgary wasn’t exactly a hotbed for paps skulking in bushes, ready to ambush celebrities who’d made the rash decision to go grocery shopping without makeup. Everyone would have thought filming had wrapped. No, this was deliberate.
Dawson was too much of a boy scout to say anything. Brynne hated attention. And Cass …