Page 123 of A Lucky Shot

“Cass—”

“How dare you?” She felt her eyes brimming and stretched them wide so the tears wouldn’t fall. “You knew exactly what you were doing. Making me hope that you wanted me that way, after everything you watched me go through. You knew I was trying to get over someone who treated me like this. You said you would help me, then you went and did the same thing as the rest of them.”

“I didn’t?—"

“But you did.” She might as well have handed him the rule book for how well he maneuvered her. For the first time, anger flared in her chest.“Are you the final boss? If I can get over the ultimate player, then I finally win the game?”

“No, I—” Josh bit off his words and curled his hands into fists. “I never played you.”

“Could have fooled me. Oh, wait. You did.”

“No, Cass …”

“Looks like I still can’t spot them until it’s too late. Maybe I really did need all thirty dates to learn. I should pick that back up.”

“Don’t do this,” he whispered.

“Am I allowed to swipe for myself yet, or are you still in charge of my love life?”

His face contorted in anguish as he pressed his lips together. God, even now she wanted to take his face in her hands, to kiss away the pain in his eyes, and she choked back a twinge in her throat.

“No, you’re right.” She pulled her phone out of her purse. “I’ve graduated to doing that for myself. What do you think? I bet I can knock out a few dates this week if I start swiping right now?—”

“I love you.” His hand pinned hers to the table. “I love you.”

The words doused the anger that had flared in her, and she wished she didn’t want to believe another lie. To let the words wrap around her like a caress.

He’s only telling me what I need to hear to get me to stay. No matter how much I want to hear it. She bit down on her bottom lip to stop it from trembling.

“Of course, you’re saying this now,” she said when she hoped her voice would be steady. “How am I supposed to believe you? You’re saying you love me, but you’ve done nothing to show me. You don’t respect me. You’ve hidden yourself completely from me.”

“That’s not what …” he stalled and held her gaze. “I didn’t think this would happen. I didn’t think you would happen. You’re always there. When I wake up. When I close my eyes. You’re all I think about.”

Words. Anyone could say words. Even when the words were perfect.“That’s not enough for me.”

All the months they had been together, getting closer, dancing around the feeling been building between them. Months fooling herself into thinking this was something more than every other pathetic so-called relationship she’d put herself through.

Cass shrugged, and the edges of her vision blurred. “I love you, too. I can’t help it. I don’t even know you and I still love you. But if you really loved me, you wouldn’t be treating me like I’m just another hookup.”

“You’re not. You are everything. All that matters to me.”

“You are married. So many times you could have told me. All that time we were together over Christmas. Everything we talked about and this never came up? Back when those paparazzi photos of me and Dawson were coming out, you said you would tell me things that I should know about. You didn’t think I should know about this?”

“I … tell me what to do. I’ll do it. Anything,” he pleaded. “What do I need to do?”

She dug the heels of her palms into her eye sockets. “I’m not doing that emotional labour for you. You need to figure that out. But right now, being this close to you hurts too much. So please, I’m asking you to leave me alone.”

Cass pushed back from the table with shaking hands and didn’t look back. Everything ached. Exhaustion over having to walk away from yet another man who couldn’t love her how she needed pressed on her lungs. The jagged edges of what remained of her heart scraped inside her breastbone, a thousand cuts carving her from the inside out.

But it hurt less than being lied to.

And one day, it might hurt even less.

And one day, if she was really lucky, she might not feel anything at all.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

JOSH

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