Page 122 of A Lucky Shot

And minutes later, meeting his wife. The smile wilted on her face before it bloomed.

She forced her voice to stay level. “Why did you leave?”

His fingers flexed against the mug, the cords in his neck standing out. “Law is a punishing profession. Self-destruction is the norm. Drinking. Drugs. Half the guys would do lines of coke in the bathroom at lunch. You had to if you wanted to keep up. It wasn’t even a secret. Then I’d get home and drink to shut down. Every morning, I told myself I just needed to get through the next day. Then the next. Every day, I went through the motions.” He took a deep breath. “Then on our first anniversary, she said it was time to have kids.

“Until then, I felt like I could numb myself and push through. But I couldn’t do that. I left and got so drunk that night the bartender had to dig through my pockets to find my business cards and called my firm. The admin assistant had to track down Vivian to pick me up. She thought I was having a last hurrah and celebrating before we started trying for a baby. Really, what I was trying to do was convince myself I could do one more thing that was expected of me.

“I couldn’t tell her what I wanted, or what I didn’t want. She thought she was marrying the fantasy of the best friend’s big brother, and I thought I was fixing my father’s mistake of not marrying a nice girl who didn’t swear at the family dinner table. Then I couldn’t do any of it anymore. I couldn’t stand the thought of taking over my father’s law practice. I couldn’t give Vivian what she wanted. Everything else fell apart around me.”

The damp breeze that flowed over her every time the coffee shop’s door opened left a chill that sunk into her bones. She sloshed the lukewarm contents up the sides of the cup, debating whether to ask another question she didn’t know if she’d believe the answer to. “Why aren’t you divorced yet?”

“She won’t sign. I keep trying to negotiate the terms, but …” he said after a moment, and Cass was even more sure he was feeding her a line.

“You’re a lawyer. Why didn’t you have a prenup?”

“I have asked myself that question a thousand times.” He shrugged uncomfortably. “Her family was adamantly against it. We didn’t have assets yet. I wasn’t thinking.”

The way he’d held her close when Vivian had walked into the room. He wouldn’t let her go. Like he had wanted Vivian to see them embracing. Like it would get him what he’d finally wanted. A horrible thought tried to take root.

“Did you …” She paused to swallow the bile that rose in her throat. “Did you want her to see us together? Did you plan that, so she would finally sign?”

“No! I mean, yes. I didn’t plan anything. I didn’t not want her to see us. I didn’t want her to … fuck.” Josh flexed his hands. “I had no idea she was in town. We’ve had completely separate lives for years. I told her I wanted to move on.”

“And did you ever tell her when you did?”

He shifted in his chair. “It seemed unnecessarily cruel.”

“And this isn’t?” she asked, disbelief gilding her voice.

“Cass …”

“I never asked you for anything. But I expected honesty from you. I thought you were my friend, at least. I thought you cared for me.”

“I do care for you.” He clenched his fist and pressed it into his jaw like he could knock himself out in slow motion.

She held up her hand. All the time they’d been together. All the times he could have said that he felt anything for her. She’d never been anything more than a place to bury his dick while he was in town.

“Baby—”

A sharp stab of laughter sliced her throat. That was it. She was just some nameless hookup he could call baby and let his dimples and charm and sweet words erase all the anguish he put her through. She’d let her idiot heart trick her into thinking this time was different. That he was different.

If it didn’t hurt so much, it would have been funny. Cass tilted her head back and blinked rapidly at the ceiling.

“I’m so stupid,” she said in a hollow voice, her breath scratching her lungs like sandpaper. “I never learn.”

Josh’s brows knit together. “No, Charms.” He reached out for her hands, and she snatched them away to secure them under her crossed arms.

The crazy part was that his story made sense. It fit who he was. The person who she had worked side by side with for months. A laugh escaped her in a surprised titter, and she smiled at him with bright eyes. “I believe you. I have no reason to, but I believe you.”

Josh’s face cleared. “Oh, thank god. Cass?—”

“But it doesn’t matter,” she finished. “You lied to me.”

The words slid between them like a barrier.

“I never lied,” he insisted. “Not to you. Not once.”

“Lied by omission, then.”

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