Page 45 of Lily, Unwritten

Ella smiled at me from behind the reception desk as I walked into the lobby of Caddel and Boone. “Lily! I heard you were ill. God, you look awful. Should you be here?” Her face screwed up, not entirely in concern, more like she was worried she would catch ugly from me. I hadn’t worn make-up all week, no point when it all got cried off, and I guess I couldn’t exactly remember the last time I’d done my hair; it must have been in Spain. I was a mess, inside and out.

“I’m not that bad,” I replied, my forehead screwed up tight. “I need something from upstairs, won’t be a minute.”

My hands fisted into balls of rage as I headed up the staircase, heat surged into me, and I wiped my damp forehead nervously, not knowing what I was going to say or do. As I stepped out into the corridor from the stairwell, I heard her shrill laughter from the staff room. That’s when I got a taste of how Zack felt when the anger overtook him.

In that moment, I felt as though I was looking down on myself as I marched in, right up to Anna’s chair. She was concentrating on whatever tale she was sharing, and it made me smile to hear her screech as I grabbed hold of her shiny, blonde ponytail and pulled her up.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I screamed in her face as she turned to me, her lip quivering in shock, the rest of her face not moving – I wondered how much she spent to look so plastic.

When she realised it was me, a smirk spread across her face. “Let go of me, you psycho. What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I mean. Zack’s little birthday present? I know you hate me, but it didn’t occur to you what a shitty thing to do to him that was?”

“Zack needed to know you were tarting around with that lawyer, no matter how hot he was.” Her eyes narrowed as she spoke.

“I didn’t do anything wrong, and you know it. This is just because Zack rejected you, how long ago now?” I looked down at her with as menacing a face as I could muster. I was much taller than her, might as well use it to my advantage.

“As if I would want your used goods. Bet he’s got that barmaid back in his bed right now?—”

My palm slapped across her cheek with a deafening crack before I could stop myself, before she could finish the sentence. My hand then flew to my open mouth as I realised what I’d done. I saw the red sting appear on her cheek, then I looked across the table and saw Margaret watching, wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

I staggered back a couple of steps, horrified at myself. I’d never, ever hit anyone before. Everyone swarmed around Anna to make sure she was OK, everyone except Margaret, who marched to me and took hold of my arm, pulling me with her along the corridor to her office.

“Sit down,” she commanded as she banged the door shut behind us. I did as I was told, shaky and hot. This was definitely like being the headmistress’s office except this time my parents wouldn’t be on their way.

“I don’t know where to begin.” Margaret paced up and down the room. “You’re not even meant to be here, I thought you were sick? Your sickness record is frankly disgraceful anyway and seems to revolve around your love life. You’ve let us down on this case. Then, to top it all off, you assaulted a member of staff.”

“I’m sorry about that, she hates me; she broke me and Zack up and?—”

Margaret cut me off and held her hand up in front of my face. “We’re not in high school, Lily. Can you listen to yourself?”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore; my head thumped onto the desk as I gave up; tears ran down my cheeks and dripped onto my scruffy t-shirt. I heard Margaret let out a long sigh as she sat opposite me.

“Lily, you fitted in here since day one, not just because of Zack. You’re obviously going through a lot, and I don’t want to add to it, but I have to act on this. It’s gross misconduct. You know what that means?” Her voice had kindness in it as she spoke, but sadly, her intentions were clear.

My forehead bumped on her desk as I nodded and slowly looked up at her through teary eyes. “Do you want me to clear my desk now?”

“I think it’s best. Wait there five minutes, and I’ll come with you, I can still hear Anna screeching. I never said this – but there’s been many times I wanted to slap her myself.”

Margaret pulled the door closed behind her. I reached for a tissue from the box on her desk and clumsily knocked a pile of mail to the floor. It didn’t even look like she’d sorted through it yet. This would normally be my job, but I’d left them in the lurch once again. I quickly picked the mail up, wanting to tidy before she came back, when one letter in particular caught my eye.

Spidery, clumsy handwriting… I knew that writing, I’d seen it all over the documentation lately. He may be amazing at scoring goals, but Kye Maloney’s penmanship was dreadful. It was addressed personally to Anna, marked as strictly private and confidential.

My decision was made in a split second as I slipped it inside my handbag and tidied the stack of letters to look immaculate again. When Margaret walked back in the room, I was still wiping tears away.

I stood and followed her; her hand rested on my shoulder as she opened the door. This small gesture was the kindest she’d ever shown me. Maybe she wasn’t as bad as I thought, I hadn’t exactly been a model employee at times. I avoided eye contact with everyone as I emptied my desk into a cardboard file box. If we’d had security, I had no doubt they would have escorted me out of the building like in some Hollywood movie.

“I’m sorry it came to this,” said Margaret as we waited at the door for the taxi she’d ordered. “I hope the situation resolves itself for you.”

I managed a vague, sad smile as I left her there, before I climbed into the taxi and gave my address. I realized it would be the last time, this wasn’t my home anymore. The driver, thankfully, left me alone as I sat on the back seat and sobbed my heart out.

Twenty-nine, unemployed, living in my friend’s garden, and heartbroken two times over. Fantastic. I was absolutely screwed.

My gulping sobs continued as I walked through the door and remembered every happy time we’d had in here. Zack had already taken our photographs down. I wanted them, but for all I knew, he’d thrown them away or burned them in the garden like in some vengeful chick flick.

I wandered to the kitchen, noting he’d left dirty mugs in the sink. That drove me mad usually, but now… I loved him; What I’d give to be playfully nagging as I washed them.

I opened the fridge and found it bare. He obviously hadn’t shopped since Spain.

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