Page 29 of Lily, Unwritten

“You too, Luke. I worry about you.”

“No need. Big enough to look after myself.” I knew he was trying to reassure me, but I sensed he was a little broken.

“Let’s think about a happy memory before you go,” I suggested, hoping to try and heal him in some way.

“What do you have in mind?” Luke’s voice was rich with intrigue.

A thousand memories flashed through my mind as I sipped at my gin. “The Scientist.”

I heard Luke take a sharp breath before he answered. “The gig, or my living room?”

“Both.”

A silence ensued, but not awkward, not uncomfortable. The lack of noise was a comfort, as it allowed me to remember… to bathe in the comfort of our shared memories.

“I miss you.” His voice was a whisper, the end of a promise.

“I miss you too. But I should go…”

“I understand. Night, Lily.”

“Night, Luke.”

I filled the bath with water as hot as I could stand; my breath caught in a gasp as I sank into it. I had focused for a long time now on not letting myself do this, but maybe, maybe just for one night, a little think about Luke wouldn’t be a bad thing? A girl had to have something happy to dream about, right? My mind travelled to a much happier place - a teepee full of fairy lights and raw, naked, love.

Yet the next morning, guilt lay heavy throughout my body. I knew Zack was only trying to do what was right for us. I twisted my engagement ring around on my finger as I contemplated. Zack got into this sulky childlike mood so easily lately. I was trying to do my best for everyone, why couldn’t he see that? He didn’t even know that on top of work, friends, weddings and houses, I was arranging a huge surprise holiday for his birthday. There was even more pressure to make those birthday plans perfect after mine had been so special.

The phone call had been a mistake - but it reminded me of the ache in me that wouldn’t settle. I needed to fill that ache, and I would do so with Zack. Just how Luke had wanted but, wow… How I missed him.

Ten

I sighed at the message that appeared on my phone as I sat in the boardroom, surrounded by piles of documents.

I love you, I missed you last night. Do you want to go see a house together after work? I’ll send you the link, looks perfect, let’s not wait until weekend x

The link flashed up for the house; it did look perfect. He hadn’t said sorry though, I noted.

The house bordered south Manchester and Cheshire – easy to get to the office, close enough to the airport but also all that luscious Cheshire countryside on the doorstep. It had four bedrooms and a beautiful, established garden. Definitely at the top end of our budget, but it had only come on the market today and did look like a place that would get snapped up.

I missed you too. Yes to the house, can you book it? x

Already done x Pick you up outside work later x

I couldn’t stay mad at him even if I wanted to.

By lunchtime, I was flicking through a copy of Lancashire Life that had been lying around the waiting room when something caught my eye. It was a charity ball that took place annually to raise money for a children’s hospice. I smiled as I thought it would be exactly the type of event that Luke would support and then… There he was.

Nausea bubbled up in my stomach. I didn’t want to see his face, but I couldn’t look away. I’d resisted the urge to look at any pictures of Luke this entire time; my only glances of his face had been from my memories. The photographer had taken a shot of him with his stunning smile and his arm around a beautiful, exotic woman.

I shoved the magazine in my handbag and rushed into the loos, locking myself in a cubicle. As my fingers trembled, I opened up the page again, ignoring her for now and looking only at Luke. Still so pretty.

I wiped tears from my cheeks as I appraised the woman. Petite and cute with a little pixie cut hairstyle, totally who I would’ve imagined him with. It was good he had someone, he deserved to be happy. It hurt, though, a physical ache that dragged me down.

I needed to stop falling out with Zack and move on, starting with this house and finalising our wedding plans.

I took one last look at Luke’s beautiful face and put the magazine into the bin - out of reach, out of temptation. Just one more goodbye between the two of us. We had had too many already.

Zack reached over and kissed me as I got into his car after work. “I’m sorry.” He stroked a hand down my cheek as he spoke.

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