Page 16 of Lily, Unwritten

“Hello, future Mrs Beaumont.” Her face beamed down the phone as she answered, the novelty of the engagement still excited her. It looked as though she was in another soft play center.

“Are you busy?” I asked.

“Nope, just at another party. Not even a hot dad to sit close to.” She rolled her eyes comedically. “Zack get away OK?”

“Yep. On my lonesome until Saturday now.” I pulled a sad face.

“Hmm.” She had a mum look on her face. “No funny business. You’re an engaged lady now.”

“Cassie, I’m surrounded by house brochures, wedding magazines and holiday plans. I’m like the best-behaved fiancée in the world, trust me.”

“God, that’s a lot of planning. Shall I come over one night?”

“Definitely! I wanted to talk to you. I wondered if you and Guy had discussed the egg donation? It’s the first time I’ve felt I had space and energy to think about it.”

“We did,” she said. “He’d rather go anonymous, if at all. He’s also happy to stick to two kids.” She ran her hand over her forehead. “But I explained I don’t want some random weirdo.”

“Cassie, they’re not weirdos, I’m sure,” I replied. Her eyes flitted towards my wine glass.

“Why are you drinking at this time?”

“I’m looking at wedding magazines, I’m allowed to drink. It’s bridal.”

“Have you talked it through with Zack?”

“I plan to when he’s back. The mechanics of it don’t bother me. The thought it might make things weird between us does, though. I don’t want anything to come between us, but I also want to help you,” I attempted to explain.

“Well, see what Zack says, and then we’ll take it from there. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t, you know that, don’t you?” she asked.

“I know. But I do want to help you, lovely.”

Her eyes flicked to the right and flashed darkly. “Agh, better go, I think Emilia just slapped a little boy. Bloody kids. I’ll call you soon.” Then she was gone.

I flopped back on the couch. I was fed up already, and Zack’s plane would only just be landing. How on earth did I used to love living alone? All of a sudden, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I put loud music on, stuff that Zack would’ve complained was too girly, and spread all the house information out on the floor. Then I organised them into yes, no, and maybe piles.

Next came wedding lists. What type of dress? Flowers? Bands? Venues? Bridesmaids? Budget? We hadn’t even discussed a budget. Number of guests… I only had a small family, but Zack would need big numbers. I felt a headache brewing even thinking about it. By the time a couple of hours had passed, and the wine had settled on me, my mind slipped into a different mode, and I had to ring Cassie back.

“You again? What’s up?” she joked as she answered.

“If I ask you a question, don’t shout at me. Promise?”

I heard her let out a long sigh. “Go on…”

“Does he know?” I asked, as I bit my lip.

“Yes.”

There was silence - frustrating, awkward silence.

“And?” I asked, my voice high pitched.

“And nothing. Just stop, Lily. You have to stop,” Cassie sounded exasperated.

“I miss him.” I was in total self-pity zone.

“Lily, you’re just emotional because Zack’s away, and you’re thinking about all the wedding stuff. You and Luke… It’s in the past. You need to focus on the future.”

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