Page 41 of Lily, Unwritten

A fuzzy, muffled sound began to play, the background noise of glasses and bottles clinked, then faded slightly as a voice began to speak. My voice.

“That night, before you left… It felt like we…”

“I know, I know what you mean. I wanted to make it easy on you.”

“It wasn’t easy. I’ve learned to deal with it, Luke, but it’s never been easy.”

“Zack…” I felt like my knees were about to buckle. “Please stop, I can explain this.” He glared at me and turned the volume up.

“Learned to deal with it with a big diamond?”

“What do you expect me to do? You cut me off, you told me to go be with Zack. I was in absolute bits, I could barely function. It took me weeks to even act semi normal with him. I…”

“I’m sorry. I honestly thought I was doing the best thing for you. I always, only did everything for you, Lily.”

“I know, I know, Luke. You’re too good; that’s part of the problem. I miss you so much, you have no idea.”

“I have every idea. Everywhere I go in my house, I just picture you there. I was thinking about selling it, just to try and get peace in my mind, but part of me can’t stand to.”

“We’re about to get the sweetest bit.” He looked at me as though he hated me, his eyes narrow and stormy. I knew what was coming. I sank to the floor as I listened, I was powerless to stop him, to stop this.

“I can’t go through it again. I still can’t say for sure what I would’ve done that morning if you hadn’t left, if you hadn’t sent that email, but, Luke… I think it was going to be you. That night, that night was perfection. Nothing’s ever come close, it never will.”

“You want to explain this?” Zack asked, his eyes still focused on the laptop.

“Was that what was in your birthday card?”

Zack nodded, his eyes glazed with the effort of not crying. “Explain.”

“Anna must’ve done it, you know what she’s like, she?—”

Zack shouted as he cut me off. I winced involuntarily. “I don’t care about who recorded it or why, I care about what you and him said to each other. I don’t even get why you were with him when you promised me you wouldn’t be. You promised me, Lily!”

I shuffled forwards on my knees and tried to take his hand, but he snatched it away. I gulped as I spoke, it felt as though an apple was trapped in my throat.

“When you were in Iceland, before Christmas, I got called to cover mediation at the last minute. I didn’t want to go, but I honestly didn’t have a choice. Everyone was there, I had to go, Margaret would have fired me if I’d said no.”

He nodded briskly, then watched me, waiting for me to continue.

“We had a chat, as you’ve heard,” I sighed. My heart beat ten to the dozen in my chest. “That was it. We didn’t kiss, we didn’t swap numbers, I haven’t seen him since. It was a hiccup that wasn’t supposed to happen. If you listen to the rest, you’ll see.”

“There isn’t any more. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It seemed like I’d just be upsetting you over nothing. I can see now how stupid that was.” I wiped a tear from my eye; I hated the fact this had just destroyed his entire birthday. Bloody Anna!

“What email did you mean?” Zack asked, his voice full of fury.

“It’s from a long time ago, it doesn’t matter. You’re what matters to me, Zack.” I wanted to beg him to believe me.

“Then why are you lying to me?” He barely kept his voice in check.

“I did everything right, Zack. I spoke to him, as you’ve heard. Then I left. There didn’t seem to be any point upsetting you over that.” He continued to look down at the laptop. “I want what we’ve been talking about. The house, to be your wife, to have babies with you. I want that. I want you.”

“Tell me about the email, the full truth.”

I wiped tears away from my cheeks. To think five minutes ago, the humidity and my hair had been my biggest concern. “When I stayed at Cassie’s last year, when we were on a break… Luke emailed me, and basically, told me to go be with you.”

Zack’s eyes flashed with hot anger. “So, you’re only with me because he told you to be?”

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