Page 60 of For the Love of Lily

“No. I just wondered because the bar girl here was blonde too and-”

“Lily,” he cut me off. “I have no interest in anyone else, blonde or otherwise. I acted like an idiot, but I think we both know why. You do have an interest in Luke. It’ll destroy me if this is the end of us, but better that than play second fiddle to him for the rest of our relationship.”

“I know,” I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Can I say that I love you?”

“You can always say it, might be time to show it though.”

I nodded. “I’ll go and stay with Cassie. We fell out too, but it’ll be fine.”

“Was that my fault?” he asked. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone there.”

“Don’t worry, as much my fault. A couple of days then?”

Zack smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “The way we fell in love, Lily … please don’t throw that away. That future we talked about, it’s right there. It’s in touching distance. You’ve just got to take that step with me. I love you.”

“I love you too, Zack.”

I put my head down on Luke’s desk as the call ended. I was devastated by the thought of Zack with another woman, but even worse was the thought of losing him. I loved Luke, to the point I felt like it was taking me over. Yet I had to lose one of them.

I messaged Cassie to ask if I could stay, receiving a quick response of a thumbs up emoji and the words ‘bring wine’.

Now to speak to Luke.

As I walked back downstairs, I saw Luke was on the couch with a book. No sign of any food. He looked up at me with worried eyes.

“I didn’t cook in the end because I had a feeling you’d be leaving.”

I sat next to him and wrapped my arms around his gorgeous, warm body. “I’m going to Cassie’s. I need to sort this out. I can’t do that fairly if I’m here with you.”

“Do you want to go back to him?” Luke asked.

“I don’t know what I want. He just told me he slept with a barmaid in Iceland. Knocks me sick but then… He’s willing to forgive what’s happened between me and you.”

“Me and you are much more than just sex, Lily.” Luke stroked my face softly as he spoke.

“I know. I love you so much I feel like its bursting my heart open. But I love him too, and we have a whole life together. I don’t know what to do, only that losing either one of you will break my heart into pieces.”

“I meant what I said, your life there… everything can be undone. We can build a life together here, or anywhere you want in the world. Just imagine us together forever.”

“I’m scared of how I feel for you. It’s so intense. I want to be with you. I want to start again somewhere together. I want to feel this love forever, but I’m petrified of failing, and I’m worried I’m not strong enough to go through a breakup with Zack.”

He sucked all of his breath in and held me close. “I understand. Can I walk you?”

I nodded into his chest.

“The bed’s going to feel like the loneliest place in the world. How quickly I adjusted to having you in it with me.”

“I don’t know how I choose between you.” Just when I thought I was all cried out, the tears started again.

Luke stroked my hair. “Shh, it’s OK. You do what’s right for you. Concentrate on what you feel is right. Don’t be distracted by what other people say or do, or what the world says your life should be like. Make this decision for you.”

We walked the short distance to Cassie’s at a slow place, quiet and contemplative. Our hands wrapped around each other’s, as if in preparation for the world to tear us apart. Luke stopped at the front gates.

“A couple of days then?”

“A couple of days. It hurts, Luke, it really hurts.”

He kissed the tears from my cheeks before placing his damp lips onto mine in the softest kiss imaginable.

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