Page 38 of For the Love of Lily

I’m not here to pick you up when you need it, Lily. I’m trying to deal with a lot of stuff myself

The little green light by his beautiful picture disappeared, he was no longer online. I lay back on the pillow and felt… ridiculous… What had I done? Upset Luke, made myself feel like an idiot and gone behind Zack’s back. My phone flashed up with a picture message, a close up of a takeaway coffee cup and my favourite chocolate brownie. I sent a love heart back to Zack, and then deleted Luke’s messages with mixed feelings.

Fourteen

Life continued along a happy path of domestic bliss for Zack and I. I didn’t hear from Luke. Those feelings had to be pushed into a little box in the back of my mind, left alone. I even eased off on the Instagram voyeurism. It was too simple to picture myself in the photographs with Luke and ponder what an amazing journey that might have been.

Our first Christmas in our home together was incredible, so much love and happiness and family in one place, plus the newfound joy of receiving designer shoes under the Christmas tree. Time seemed to spin by in a rush. I still didn’t feel like I was at the height of my love for Zack, each time the dawn crept in, I’d love him a touch more. My heart felt so full, yet more love kept blossoming. We found ourselves back in springtime, and I couldn’t help but remember those first dates and nervous flutters.

One morning at work, the familiar Instagram ping went again. I picked up my phone expecting it to be Cassie. It was a year now since they’d decided to try for a baby, and every time we met, I could see the tension growing in her face. She’d agreed to go to the doctors, so I was hoping for good news soon. This message wasn’t Cassie, however.

Hey, Lily. I’m sorry it’s been a while. I didn’t mean for it to be that long. Is there a time I could call you? When you be free to speak? Luke

My heartbeat amplified. I knew what he meant - a time when Zack wasn’t around. Oh god… he was coming back married to a gorgeous, blonde, beach goddess, wasn’t he? Cassie had been right. They’d have amazing blonde children. Or… maybe he wasn’t coming back at all?

Hi stranger. Sure, I need to go to the other office this afternoon so will be driving over alone. Would 12 ish work? I don’t know the time difference? Is this bad news?

No, not bad news. Not even news, more of a question. 12 ish is fine. Speak to you then

This was going to be a long morning. Coffee… I needed coffee. By quarter to twelve I couldn’t wait anymore and headed out to Zack’s car- well, I guess it was our car now- explaining I needed to run an errand on my way. I drove to a nearby park and waited, my mind in overdrive.

I jumped as my phone buzzed to life, a contact I hadn’t seen in so long flashing up on the screen. Luke Adamson – Incoming Call. I took a long, deep breath before answering.

“Hi, Luke,” Bright and breezy, as if this wasn’t a big deal.

“Hey. It’s good to hear your voice, been a while.”

“It has. That was an unexpected message this morning.”

“I know,” he said. “How are you doing? New job going well?”

“Yeah, I’m good thanks, job still feels strange sometimes, but it’s good. You’ll have forgotten how to work by the time you come back!” I joked.

“No chance! Listen, I’m back in the UK. I’m in London for a little while before I come back home.”

My heart stopped for a full minute. Luke was back. Luke was coming home.

“I wanted to ask you if you’d meet me? I know that Zack won’t be happy. I don’t want to put you in a difficult situation, but I do want to see you, Lily.”

“That’s a lot to take in. When did you get back?” I wasn’t sure where this was going.

“Two days ago, jet lag is just easing off.”

I could tell he was smiling as he spoke. I wanted to see that smile. I checked myself in the rear-view mirror.

“Before I answer, can I ask a favour? Can we switch to video call? Be so good to see you.”

“I look like crap, but of course.”

Then the screen sprang to life. There he was. So tanned, so blond. Eyes still sparkly, smile so wide. The slightest hint of trepidation.

“Is this your idea of looking like crap? You look so pretty, Luke.” I laughed at what felt like an in-joke for us. He was once so familiar and now such a rare sight. I snapped out of the trance as I realised he was taking in everything about me too.

“Says the prettiest girl in the world. You look more grown-up though, does that sound weird?” he asked.

“No, it doesn’t, think I feel more grown up now. Stopped hiding from the world.”

I felt like this was one of those Sliding Doors moments where your life can split in two different directions. I should leave this alone - but I couldn’t. I’d been pining for Luke for what felt like eternity.

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