Page 3 of For the Love of Lily

“I get why you feel that way, but not everyone is like that, I promise. Believe me, being raised with four sisters, I’d never dare treat a girl the wrong way. They would kill me. Where is he now? I take it the restraining order worked?”

“In Scotland, with a girlfriend and a baby. Feel bad for her,” I sighed. “Whenever he had a night out or went on a lads’ holiday, he took home any girl he could. Doubt he’s changed. He hasn’t bothered me for a long time. He’s nothing to worry about. Anyway, how about you? Single through choice or broken-hearted?” I wanted to move the conversation on, close that little box in my mind where those memories lived.

“No horror stories, no baggage. I just haven’t met the right person.” He took another drink. “I finished with my ex about three months ago. I could tell she wanted it to be more than it was. Didn’t seem fair to keep it going when I knew she wasn’t right for me.”

The conversation got easier from there, and before I knew it, an hour had passed. As we laughed together, it didn’t feel as though he was a stranger. Cassie loitered outside, watching us, I pointed her out to Zack.

“Well, I’d better let you get back,” he said.

“I’m glad I came,” I admitted, almost wishing he’d touch my hand again. “It was lovely to meet you.”

“I’m not going to put you on the spot,” he began. “I’d love to go on a proper date. I know you aren’t sure if it’s the right time, but think about it, and let me know. I can’t tell you how much I want you to say yes, but even if it’s a no, I’m glad I met you today.”

I promised to message him later as we exchanged numbers and then strolled outside together, back into the sunshine. Zack turned to look at me, and a wave of nerves crashed into my mind. What was I meant to say? What was he expecting? I didn’t know what to do as he leant forward and placed a single, soft kiss upon my cheek.

“Speak soon, I hope.” I stood there like a fool, processing how nice this had been, as he headed away down the busy high street. Enjoying today hadn’t been part of my plan.

Cassie had the excited energy of a toddler after a tube of smarties as she snapped me out of my trance. “Why didn’t you reply to my message?”

As I pulled my phone out of my bag I saw her message pop up, checking if everything was OK and did I need a rescue. “Sorry, I didn’t hear it. We were talking non-stop, and it was loud in there. You know the noise those coffee machines make.”

As we headed back onto the train, Lancashire bound, Cassie made me tell her every single detail. I left out the fact that my cheek still tingled where he’d kissed me. The skin there felt more alive somehow.

“This all sounds positive. I take it you’re going to see him again? He looked good, a solid eight and a half, I would say.” She winked.

“Cassie!” I scolded, but in my own head I thought he verged on a nine. “Well, coffee was one thing, but a proper date? Then he’ll want a second date, and then, before you know it, it’s a regular arrangement and-”

“That’s the point!” Cassie interrupted. “That’s why most people date, silly! You need a boyfriend, and I found a perfect specimen, so just say thank you and message him already.” She sat back in the train seat and scrolled through her phone with a smug smile.

I let myself into my flat an hour later. It felt good to have alone time with my thoughts. I loved this place. It had been a mess initially, but I needed somewhere to live, so I rented it at a cheap rate from my bosses as part of an agreement to fix it up. My favourite colour, dusky pink, had been used to decorate, and then accessorised with teal as a contrast. The place felt warm and snug, the vintage accessories I’d collected over time made it feel homey, rather than cluttered. I switched on the soft lighting before heading through my bedroom and into the bathroom.

The clothes that had been meticulously chosen for the afternoon were abandoned on the wooden floor as I filled the roll-top bath with steaming hot water and bubbles. The weekend hadn’t been what I expected. Today had been lovely, but I still didn’t know what to do. Cassie found all of this so easy, and I wished I did too. Zack seemed sweet, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t all turn sour, and did I have the strength to face that again? After what had happened last time, my confidence in my own feelings was at rock bottom, and avoidance of situations was preferable to facing them. I didn’t trust my own judgement after having got it so wrong. The past four years had been a non-stop cycle of stress and anxiety with me never quite getting to a place of happiness or satisfaction. I knew it had to stop, but it was a hell of a scary first step into the unknown.

Luke would know what advice to give if he were here. I reached over for my phone and tried to call, but there wasn’t even a ringtone. He was in Uganda, doing charity work for six weeks, and had warned us that he would be hard to get hold of. Travelling had been an ambition of his for years, but his career was important too. So, he’d combined the best of both words and was assisting as a legal volunteer, providing legal support and representation in communities who would otherwise have none. He’d posted a photograph on Instagram a few days ago and looked in his element. He was always at his happiest helping people. It was Luke who had helped me four years ago. He’d only just started working at Draper & Hughes when I went through the breakup.

He found me there late, after work, too scared to go home, and when I confessed what was happening, Luke sprang into action. He helped me move, he sorted out legal proceedings - he was a saviour, especially on that one night…

We became best friends and were pretty much joined at the hip from then on. I must confess, this is where Cassie got her fascination with hot lawyers from. Luke was gorgeous, nobody could deny it. If I’d met him under different circumstances, I probably would’ve been lusting after him too, but he would always be my bestie.

Whenever we went anywhere, he got all the admiring glances, not me. He was six-two and athletic. His hair a gorgeous, caramel blond which he always styled immaculately for work, but when left alone would settle into messy, beachy waves above the brightest blue eyes, which seemed to sparkle when he was happy or excited. The most beautiful thing about him, though, was his heart. He’d go out of his way to help anyone who needed it. We often saw sad cases in family law, and he always went the extra mile. On top of his charity work, he was just a truly good person. He was so good at giving advice, but I was going to have to fathom this out alone.

Cosiest pyjamas on, slumped on the couch, I began to type a message. Maybe I was overthinking this. Zack wasn’t putting me under any pressure - maybe I should let it play out, see what happened.

How has the rest of your day been? x

Nice thank you. Amazing company for coffee put me in a great mood x

I enjoyed it. Thank you for putting up with me being a nervous wreck x

You weren’t at all, don’t worry. I’m sorry I stood there gawping at you. You took me by surprise, in a good way xx

Thank you. I think it was me stood there like a fool at the end so don’t worry!

So, Lily …

Yes, Zack?

You’re really going to make me work for this aren’t you? x

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