Page 66 of Her Dark Angel

Am I truly capable of allowing myself the happiness and pleasure of letting a man get close enough to me? One I am growing to no longer loathe?

If I were to give into my desire for Nash and allow myself that moment of happiness, I don’t know if I could handle the burn on my heart the moment the contract expires and he slips back to the depths of Hell where he came from.

Then what? I would look like a fool in the end—a reminder that Nash Beck isn’t capable of giving his heart to one person. I worry his dependence on drugs and alcohol will win out in the end, trapping him in an endless cycle of sleeping with random women to fill whatever void has been left in his heart.

I fear I won’t be enough for him.

I don’t know if that’s a risk I’m willing to take for happiness when I’m rather content with my life at the moment.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I blow out a long breath, confusion and frustration tainting my heart. As someone who always knows what they want, not being in control over the situation with Nash and whatever it is I’m feeling for him is a foreign sensation to me. “Hooking up is not part of the deal, so Nash and I need to respect that. Besides, dating Nash for real wouldn’t work out.”

“Why not?” Sadie sounds just as confused as I feel.

“Because…” I lick my dry lips, trying to find the right words to describe what I’m feeling. “Nash is clearly a damaged man. What makes you think I’m the right person for him?”

Sadie shakes her head. “People like Nash are still capable of loving others. I know it may not seem like it now, but surely, somewhere deep inside of him, he cares about you.”

I think back to last week when I raced over to Nash’s house. The need to offer this broken man some support was strong because I know what it’s like to feel as though you don’t have anybody in your darkest times. And when I found him slumped over the side of the bed, fear coursing through my veins thinking he had overdosed on something, I realized that unless Nash actively seeks help for whatever it is that haunts him at night, then this man will never change.

It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to be saved, so why should I kid myself into thinking I could be his savior when he doesn’t want me to be?

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, Sade,” I mutter.

She turns her attention to Matt who is quietly eating his lunch, his eyes focused on the plate of food in front of him. Strands of dirty blonde hair frame his face, unable to be contained by the hair tie keeping his hair pulled back in a pony tail.

Sadie nudges her elbow into his ribs, earning a low groan from him. When his gaze meets her, she turns on the charm. “Matt, please help me out here.”

Matt clears his throat and lowers his fork onto his plate. “Sade, you can’t force this on Kin. If she and Nash are meant to be together for real then it’ll happen, okay?”

Realizing that Matt isn’t going to help her in this situation, Sadie huffs and folds her arms over the white knitted sweater hugging her torso. “Fine. But when it does happen, and it will, I will take great pleasure in saying I told you so.”

Thankfully, Matt steers the conversation in the direction of his restaurant and the recent celebrities who have dined there. I appreciate his attempt at taking the spotlight off me.

For the rest of lunch, we engage in casual conversation, falling into our old habits of talking and laughing at a volume far too loud for a four-star restaurant.

When we make a move to leave, Matt insists on handling the bill, despite Sadie and I’s protest. He tells us to handle the bill next time we catch up for lunch, and we both agree. There is no use arguing with a stubborn man like Matt in a situation like this.

“This has been so much fun,” Sadie says as we step outside onto the sidewalk. She flips her curly hair over her shoulder with a flick of her chin. We stand against the side of the building, out of the way of the pedestrians rushing by. “Let’s make sure we don’t go weeks without seeing each other again, okay? I miss you both.”

The afternoon sun beams down on us, warming my skin through the light brown sweater covering my arms. Spring has truly settled in now because the leaves on the trees lining the street have finally grown back and the air no longer holds a chill to it anymore.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a large poster hanging on the building beside us. Nash’s mismatched eyes stare ahead, as does the rest of the band.

No matter where I go, I’m reminded of him.

Matt rests his hand on Sadie’s shoulder and smiles down at her. “I promise it won’t be this long again. Besides, I want regular updates on Kin’s new man.” He wiggles his brows at me suggestively, and I roll mine in response.

God, they still act like teenagers sometimes.

“Come on, we’re not going to do this again?—”

“Are you Kinsley May?”

My body stiffens at the woman’s high-pitched voice behind me. Matt and Sadie’s eyes widen with confusion as they glance past me at whoever is standing there. I’m used to fans approaching me on the street to ask for an autograph, but there is something about this woman’s tone that sets me on edge.

A cold shiver races down my spine as I slowly spin on my heels. As my eyes clash with a pair of fiery chocolate brown ones, I take in the woman standing before me, who can’t be much younger than twenty-one. She has youthful features and strawberry-blonde hair as long as the Nile River, but I don’t miss the scowl turning down her brows or the stiffness in her thin shoulders.

“Yes, I am,” I say, putting on a fake smile and cheerful tone.

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