Nash groans, throwing his head as he continues to pump into me. He’s gasping for air as he climbs to his release, and I’m not too far behind. My head feels heavy and my vision begins to blur as a tidal wave crashes over me, forcing Nash’s name from my throat in a muffled cry, just like he wanted.
Nash’s hips jerk forward one last time before he comes in my mouth, hot and thick. I can barely breathe, but somehow manage to swallow every last drop, not wanting it to seep out between my parted lips and onto his very expensive car seats.
I’m finally graced with air as Nash pulls out of me. My mouth is sore and my head fuzzy, but I don’t care. That was the most intense sexual encounter I’ve ever experienced and it blew my goddamn mind. I had no idea giving head could be that sensual and passionate. Or maybe it’s because it was with Nash.
“Holy fuck, little devil,” Nash says, breathing heavily. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
I pull myself into an upright position, my elbows and stomach sore from leaning over the plastic console, and gaze over at Nash. His cheeks are flushed red and the curls falling over his eyes are slightly damp with sweat, and yet somehow, he’s the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on.
I had no idea a man like Nash Beck could exist, and somehow, he’s sitting right there, staring at me with so much longing and adoration it makes my heart squeeze painfully.
You’re too broken, Kin. He’s never going to love you.
I swallow hard, ignoring the demon’s harsh words echoing in the back of my mind. They have the worst fucking timing.
Nash leans across the console and presses his lips against mine in a delicate kiss, taking me by surprise. He pulls back enough to meet my gaze, an emotion swirling in them I can’t quite make out through the haze in my mind.
A slow grin turns his lips up in a smile. “I guess we’re no different than the people who come here just to hook up, right?”
I laugh and shove him by the shoulders. “Just shut up and watch the movie.”
“What’s left of it anyway,” he comments, amusement soaking his tone.
As we settle into a comfortable silence, having straightened ourselves up, self-doubt creeps into the back of my mind, fuelling the demon's harsh whispers. They grow louder with each second, making it harder to block them out.
What if I’m not good enough for Nash?
What if he says at the end of our contract this was just a little fun for him and I mean nothing to him?
My heart clenches painfully in my chest at the thought, and I fight to keep from grimacing.
No man will ever love you like I do, Kinnie. No man will ever want you because they’ll know you belong to me.
Nash reaches over to rest his hand on my thigh, his fingers splayed out. I focus on my breathing and the warm sensation spreading throughout my chest.
I will not let that asshole get the best of me. If I allow him space in my head, he will consume my mind, my body, and my life again. I can’t let that happen.
I exhale a long, low breath and rest my hand over Nash’s warm one. Somehow, the simple touch eases the storm brewing in my mind and quietens the demons enough for me to think straight. My heart softens when I meet Nash’s eyes from across the dark space.
Even though the future for us is unclear, I take solace in this moment right now. If everything were to go to shit at any point, I could look back on this moment and know I was truly happy.
And that’s something I haven’t felt since I was twelve years old.
35
NASH
1979
16 years old.
Ihave never been to a funeral before.
Growing up, I had only ever seen them played out in movies or television shows. I never thought I would experience one in my lifetime because as a kid, you don’t think the people around you will die. You think they will live forever and grow old with you because the thought of ever losing them and having to experience life without them is too much to comprehend.
But that’s not the case. People die all the time and there is nothing anyone can do to prevent it from happening. It’s just the way the world works.
As I stand here with my dad by my side, droplets of rain landing on my skin with a thud, I know I should be filled with sadness and grief as my mom’s coffin is lowered into the moist ground. I know I should have tears in my eyes and a heart heavy like lead. I know I should miss her and wish she were still here on this earth because she is my mother, the woman who gave birth to me and raised me—at least during the beginning.