Page 61 of Disciplining Dana

Kurt quirked his eyebrow. “And that is?”

“Brat Tamer.”

Kurt choked, trying desperately not to laugh. ‘Brat Tamer.’ Derek was being serious, but—God!—the way he’d said it sounded unintentionally bow-chicka-bow-wow in the moment.

“It’s a bunch of nonsense”—Derek waved his hand dismissively—“meant to rile me up behind my back. It’s true, however, that I am drawn to women who aren’t afraid to speak their mind and who hold strong to their convictions. Now, as I said the other evening, I feel like I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I’m betting Ms. Aziz is all those things in spades.”

“She is.”

“And you like that about her, don’t you?”

“In most cases, yes.”

“Makes those times when she submits all the more incredible, doesn’t it?” Derek asked with a knowing look.

“Yes.”

“But”—he tapped his finger against his desk—“when she uses that strength to defy you, to get what she wants at your expense, especially when it puts her in harm’s way…” He shot Kurt a perceptive gaze.

Kurt grunted. “For the longest time I dealt with it, because everything good about Dana, everything I love about being with her, was enough to overcome my anger and frustration each time she deliberately ignored what I asked and put her life at risk.”

“And now?”

“I can’t anymore.”

Derek laced his fingers together, waiting silently.

“In the seven years I’ve been with her,” Kurt continued, “she’s put herself in situation after situation like she did last night. Taken unnecessary risks. The previous one—believe it or not—was in a mine in Argentina. She went into an area beyond where she’d agreed to, and for her disobedience she managed to break a couple of ribs and her leg.”

“She doesn’t do things halfway, does she?”

“Nooo, no she doesn’t.” Kurt blew out a sigh. “I’d hoped after what she went through there it might’ve been enough to convince her to change her ways. To get her to see how dangerous and destructive this attitude of hers is. But then the other evening she was right back where we started, arguing with me about what she was going to do, and to hell with what I thought. And even though she promised she wouldn’t, she went right ahead and went into that mine anyways.”

Leaning back in his chair, Kurt stared up at the dark beams of the ceiling in Derek’s office. “This morning, I told her it was this goddamn sense of invulnerability of hers I couldn’t deal with anymore, and she blew it off with a ‘because I always have,’ as if that solved everything. So… yeah, I’m out of options here. Are there things I love about Dana? Yes. Do I love being with her most of the time? Yes. But I can’t keep using the memories of everything good that’s happened between us to force away the nightmares I’ve woken up from where she’s lying dead and I’m the one pulling a sheet over her. That’s stopped working, and I don’t think it’s coming back.”

“But you’re not ready to give up on her entirely, are you? Because those good times… they’re a pretty powerful motivator, aren’t they?”

“Yes, they are.”

“And somewhere, deep down, past all the anger and irritation, you believe at some level she wants the same thing, too. Otherwise, you’d have already walked.”

“Yes,” Kurt answered decisively. “I can’t accept that all of this is simply one-sided on my part.”

“Like I said before, I think I’m a pretty good judge of character, and if you’re asking me, I’d say you’re right.”

As Derek watched him, Kurt tried not to let hope take root, because he’d held on to that in the past, and yet here he was, nothing changed.

“So, would you like my help?” Derek asked quietly.

“If I said I do?”

“Well, then, we need to talk about a plan.”

“A plan.” Kurt tensed. He’d come here to talk to Derek Hawkins about what he was going through with Dana, but… a plan? In context with where things needed to go, it made sense to come up with one, but Kurt hadn’t actually considered doing it right now. He’d wanted reassurance he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries, behaving like an asshole, and Derek had provided that. But this was going a step further than that, and…

And you seriously think you’re going to have an opportunity like this with a Dom as experienced as Derek Hawkins once you’re gone? Is your ego so fragile you can’t accept help from someone who may have already gone through what you are right now? Or are you just looking for an excuse to put off what you know you need to do for another day, week, month, year? To fall back on a pattern that’s worked so well for you so far, right?

No.

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