Page 65 of Disciplining Dana

The icy tone of Kurt’s voice stopped her. “Sit down, Dana, or I swear to God this’ll be the last time you ever see me.”

She whirled. “What!”

“You heard me.”

“Please tell me this is some kind of terrible fucking joke.”

“It isn’t. I’m serious.”

Dana stood motionless, anger fighting with an impending sense of recognition Kurt wasn’t joking—that he was, in fact, fucking serious! For his part, Kurt kept his gaze fixed on hers, every other part of him as stock-still as she was.

“You need discipline.” He broke the heavy silence, his voice low. “And I think you know it. In fact, I’m taking a huge risk here, but I think you want it.”

“You don’t know that about me,” Dana whispered.

“No? You don’t think after all the years we’ve been together I haven’t learned a few things about you? Come up with my own ideas about what you need, and maybe even want? Yeah, I could be totally wrong. I could be way off base here and God knows I might come to regret what I’m doing tonight. I don’t know. But what I do know is I can’t be in a relationship with you the way things have been in the past.”

“That’s the second time today you’ve talked about our relationship,” she replied, exasperated. “I thought you told me you weren’t pressing me to be in one?”

“And I’m not. I told you I’d never pressure you to be in a romantic relationship with me, and I stand by that. But the fact is being friends is a form of being in a relationship, especially for as long as you and I have been, and the way we have. And even if all we ever are is friends with benefits, I can’t stop myself from caring about you, and that also means caring about what you do to yourself. I wish I could tell myself not to, to think of you simply as a co-worker and a fuckbuddy and nothing more, but I can’t. I’m not wired that way.”

Dana hated that she was still standing here. She should’ve walked away the instant he’d spouted his insane plan to discipline her. This entire thing was beyond absurd.

Then do it. Walk away.

Walk. Away.

Except she didn’t. Instead, she slowly slipped back onto the stool, her body tense.

“Fine, Kurt,” she growled through gritted teeth. “If things have to change between us, I’m willing to listen, but the first thing we should be doing is negotiating. That’s the way normal people resolve issues between them. Not”—she waved her hand toward the railing—“dragging me off into a Dungeon to ‘discipline me,’ whatever the hell that means.”

“And under different circumstances, I’d one hundred percent agree with you. But I’ve enabled you, Dana. Given you free rein to believe that no matter what, I’ll always be there, always come back, even when you’ve listened to me but not really listened.”

“Oh my God, not this again.” She groaned.

“Dana, you know it’s true: you have. And I have. It took someone else pointing it out, but the fact is that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. And as was also pointed out, continuing to let it happen is unfair to us both.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s some bullshit Dr. Phil crap right there.”

“I’m sure it feels that way right now, but this isn’t crap to me. I’m sure I’m doing a shit job of explaining myself, but I swear I am trying.”

God, she wanted to storm away from all of this. His bullshit, his dumbass idea, and everything else that was going on right now. But… she wasn’t. Instead, she was sitting here beside him, waiting to see if he was going to follow through with this and what his next step would be. “So, what now?”

“We’ve got a lot to talk about, I know, but before we do, I want to know you’re committed to this. That you’re gonna be as invested in this as I am.”

“And you want to determine that by giving me some sort of discipline test or something?”

“In a word… yes.”

“This is unfair, Kurt.” She stabbed her finger against the bar top. “Completely and totally unfair.”

“You’re right, it is.”

His tone was apologetic, but the set of his jaw and body language told Dana a different story. If he was harboring any doubts about following through with this, he was hiding it well.

“I need this from you right now. To prove that either what I’m doing is the right thing for both of us, or that I’ve completely fucked up and totally wrong.” He stood up from his stool, looking down at her. “A minute ago, you told me no. What I want you to do right now is look me in the eye and say it again.”

Do it. Tell him no. Tell him to go fuck himself and this idiotic plan of his.

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