Page 52 of Claimed By the Damned

“If I didn’t like it, I’d be pissed, don’t you think?”

Amara just shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe you realize that it’s permanent so it doesn’t matter if you get pissed or not.”

“Don’t tell me how I’m supposed to feel, Amara. I told you it doesn’t bother me. I told you that I like it. Leave it at that,” he growled.

Shaking her head in disbelief, Amara picked up her menu and shrugged again. “Whatever you say, Drake.”

Her dismissive tone irked him, and he found himself getting angry, but he quickly tamped it down. She didn’t know him, so how would she know if he was lying or not?

“We should have this talk now,” he stated because he didn’t like the rift that had grown between them, even though he was the one who put it there in the first place.

“I wasn’t aware that there was anything to talk about,” she replied without bothering to look at him. “You made your feelings on the matter clear. So, I’m distancing myself. It’s as simple as that.”

Drake dropped his fists onto the table, rattling the drinks and drawing attention to the two of them, but he didn’t care. “Damn it, Amara.”

“What do you want from me, Drake? I tried. Okay? I tried to prove to you that I’d be good to you, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. You made it clear time and time again that you didn’t want this. You used me like I was just some…” She paused and glanced around before lowering her voice so that only he could hear. “Fuck toy. And only now that I’m finally putting some distance between us do you get upset. I’m doing what you wanted!”

Her words felt like a slap to the face that forced him to look away. Everything she said was true; that was exactly how he treated her, and he regretted every part of it.

Once he had his anger in check, he sighed. “It’s not what I want,” he began. And it was the truth. Having her near them had caused a serious number of problems, but now, the thought of not having her near them caused him an immense amount of pain. It made him want to fucking puke, knowing that she had walked away from him, by his own doing too. “I do want you, and not as some fuck toy. It just took me too long to realize it.”

Amara’s face fell as she looked down at her lap. She looked crushed, devastated, and it burned him to the core. “I can’t keep doing this, Drake. It hurts too much. I’m sorry. Maybe we should just go.”

As she rose from the table, his hand shot out and grasped hers before she could leave. “Don’t. Please.”

There must have been something in his expression that caused her to pause because she slowly sat back down. He didn’t release her hand as he continued. “If I could, I’d take back everything I said and did to you. I’d erase it all and start over, but I can’t. I don’t know what to do, Amara. I don’t know how to win you back. I just know that I have to because I can’t stand the thought of never having you at all.”

He could tell that she was fighting back tears as she shook her head. “You are just saying that because I said I wouldn’t sleep with you anymore.”

“Fuck,” he growled, his nostrils flaring. He was pissed. Not at her but at the fact that he had done so much to her that she thought that. “This isn’t about sex. This is… I can’t fucking breathe without you, damn it. I’d be satisfied with this,” he waved his hand between the two of them. “For the rest of our lives.”

She was quiet for a while, her eyes searching his. “What changed, Drake?” she finally asked. “At least, tell me that. Because right now, it seems like you only started coming around to all this when I told you I was done.”

It was a good question, and she was right; the timing of it was suspicious. But that wasn’t something he was able to control.

“All I asked for was time, and it’s shitty timing with what happened with Knox, but I was able to get that time. To self-reflect. I was able to step back and think about it all as a whole – my past, my present, my future, and where you fit into it all. It took me too long, and I apologize for that, but I know now that the only place you fit in is my present and future, and you have nothing to do with my past. I was scared, and I took it out on you. I never should have done that.”

“I was scared too, you know,” she said softly. “I was scared of what my father would do if he found out. I was scared that I wasn’t going to be enough for the three of you. But I trusted Zeke and Knox when they told me that we’d get through it together. And we have. All I wanted was a chance and you… you couldn’t even give me that.”

“I wasn’t capable of giving that to you. I… my… god-fucking-damn it.” He angrily swiped a hand down his face, trying to regain his composure. “I let my past rule my life, I always have, and it caught up to me when you came along. I don’t think I could have given anyone a chance at that point, and that’s on me. I… I should have set it aside. I should have been a better man, but I clung to you and pushed you away at the same time. I don’t blame you if you don’t want my apology. I don’t blame you if you don’t want to try again. I just wanted you to know that the only person I’ll ever want is you.”

The waitress came up to the table right then and asked if they were ready to order. He wanted nothing more than to tell her to fuck off, but he clamped his jaw shut and let Amara order her food. She needed it.

He watched as she ordered it cheerfully and with a smile. It was so natural that no one would have ever guessed that they had been arguing just seconds before. When she was done, he placed his own order.

As soon as the waitress was gone, Amara’s mask faded in an instant. “That’s the problem, Drake. I do want this. I want you. I always have. But can you try to see things from my point of view for a second and understand why it’s so hard for me to believe you right now? You have a past, and I get that, but I don’t know anything about it because you refused to tell me. And that’s fine. I’m not going to pry because it’s none of my business. But you have to understand how it felt that night when you basically hate fucked me and then just walked out. And that was after you kept telling me that you wanted nothing to do with me.”

Drake sat there in silence, thinking about what she said, and he realized that she wasn’t wrong. He deserved this. All of it and more.

“Alright,” she whispered when he didn’t respond. His head snapped up, but she wasn’t looking at him. “Alright. We can… we can try again. I’ll give you all the time you want, or need, or whatever. Apparently, I just can’t say no to you guys.”

She busied herself with putting her napkin in her lap, but he spotted a few tear drops hitting the tablecloth in front of her. He did that to her, and it fucking hurt.

“I don’t need time. I know what I want, what I should have known from the beginning.”

She continued to fiddle with the napkin in her lap as if unsure of what to say to him.

“Amara…”

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