Page 38 of Claimed By the Damned

“I can sit with you,” she muttered, moving toward him and taking a seat in the chair next to him.

As soon as she was seated, he held up a packet of drugs. “Do you want a hit?”

“Uh, no. Thanks. I don’t do drugs.” She didn’t like the thought of him doing them either, but she wasn’t sure it was really her place to say anything. She knew that she would never forgive herself if she didn’t try though.

Knox grunted in response and sat the baggie on the table.

“Are you okay?” she asked him after a moment.

With his eyes trained on the dark horizon, he replied, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

She shifted uncomfortably. “From what I understand, people only do drugs when they are trying to escape something,” she began softly. “Is it . . . is it me? Did I do something wrong?”

His gaze slid back to hers. “Why would you think that? You’re my mate.”

“Because you left,” she told him honestly. “You were sleeping next to me, and then you left to get high.”

Leaning over the arm of his chair, he scooped her up as if she weighed nothing, placed her on his lap, and buried his face in her neck. “It wasn’t because of you.”

She snuggled deeper into him, no longer wanting to fight the growing bond between them. “Then what is it?”

Knox stiffened but said nothing.

“Talk to me,” she pressed. “Please? You know I won’t judge you, nor will it change how I see you. I just want to understand. That’s all.”

After a moment, he said gruffly, “It calms me when my mind or mood is racing.”

“But what causes it to race in the first place?” She knew she was prying, but he was her mate, and she wanted to know everything there was to know about him. The good, the bad, and the ugly. She also wanted to be able to help him if she could because she didn’t like the idea of him being so uneasy. It made her wolf antsy.

He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “My childhood. Memories. That shit.”

She sighed. “I wish you felt comfortable enough with me to open up about your past. If anyone would understand, it would be me, considering everything I’m going through with my father.”

He rubbed a hand down his face, stressed by the topic. She felt a little guilty for bringing on that stress, but she knew this was something they needed to discuss. “I was raised rogue. I did some terrible shit when I was young, and that shit was praised by my father. Instigated by him sometimes, too.”

“And you regret it?” she asked quietly. She felt as if she spoke too loud, it would frighten the topic away. She had known that he was raised rogue, and she had assumed he’d seen some shit due to the way he was now, but she didn’t know how far that went.

“Before, no. But now? Yeah, I guess I do. Most of the time, the people I preyed on didn’t deserve it, but I believed my father when he told me they did, and I did what he wanted. Now, I try to live by a code – if I can keep my temper in check.”

She nodded in understanding. “And the drugs help you forget.”

He shook his head. “Not forget. Just lessen the pain.”

Shifting in his lap for a better angle, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I know it doesn’t mean much, but those things you did? Those people you hurt in the past? None of that was your fault. It was your father’s. You were a kid, Knox. You were obeying your father, and he was just using you as a tool to fight his battles. You can’t keep blaming yourself for that. I don’t blame you for it, nor does it change the way I feel about you. Deep down, you’re a good guy. If only a bit persistent.”

He nipped her bottom lip. “You like my persistence.”

She rolled her eyes. “I do,” she admitted. “But I’m not sure I like the fact that you feel the need to take drugs to get by. I don’t want to lose you, Knox, now that I’ve accepted this thing between us.”

Knox scowled down at her. “What are you asking of me?”

“I don’t know,” she said softly. “I want to ask you to stop. But I also don’t want to ask you to change for me. I’m just . . . worried. I care about you, you know. A lot.”

He grunted before saying, “I care about you too, so just give it to me straight. Do you want me to stop or not?”

“If I had it my way, I’d have you stop.”

Immediately, as if it were that easy, he picked up the baggie and handed it to her.

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