Mercer made a noise in the back of her throat. “I don’t know how their relationship works, but he’s got a reputation On Island for messing around. He’s hit on me before.”
Jenna made a face. “Does Anna know?”
“I’m not sure. She’s not the friendliest person. Not that anyone deserves that. I just mean that I wouldn’t want to be the one to tell her. She seems like the type to shoot the messenger.”
Jenna picked up her tea again and took a sip. It was now cold. “She already hates me, so maybe I should tell her.”
“You’d do that?”
“I went through this. For years, my husband cheated and I didn’t know. Years of my life, given to someone who was with other women. Many other women. If someone could have told me, I would have gotten out.”
“You would have left him? Just like that?”
Something in the question made Jenna pause. Mercer stared off behind Jenna with a distant look, like she was suddenly hundreds of miles away. It seemed like less of a question and more of a statement about something else.
She’s hiding from something, Jenna realized. Or someone. The short, dyed hair and heavy eye make-up were a mask. Jenna didn’t know how she knew, but she did, like she recognized a mirrored pain. Different from Jenna’s, but still there. If she had to guess, Mercer had endured years of something and now had gotten out. Sandover was her fresh start.
“Leaving is never easy,” Jenna said quietly, noting how Mercer’s gaze snapped back to her.
“No, it isn’t.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Jenna sipping her tea and Mercer toying with her hands. Leaving. Would Jenna leave Sandover now to get distance from all this?
No. The moment she thought it, Jenna knew that she didn’t want to go to Burlington with Rachel. Or anywhere else. Not really. This island—for all its memories and ghosts—held too strong of a pull. Real estate was booming, so she could probably get a job. Hopefully not wherever Anna worked. There were a few offices On Island, so it should be fine.
She could surely find something small to rent or buy if her mother’s house sold. Maybe she would need to avoid Jackson for a bit, or ignore the feelings she still had for him and insist on a casual friendship. Could she handle that? The thought of seeing him but not being with him made her chest burn. But she was strong. She had been through worse.
Jenna looked up at Mercer. “Hey, since you’ve been looking at properties for Jackson, would you want to help me find a place? I mean, if it’s not too awkward. I’m going to need a place to rent or maybe buy, depending on what I find.”
“Really? You’d want my help?”
“If you’d want to.”
Mercer smiled. “I’d like that. And I’ve seen a few places that might be just what you’re looking for.”
“Maybe next week, then.”
“Sounds good. I’ll get your number from Jackson.” Mercer paused. “You are going to talk to him, right? Explain what happened with Steve. He obviously has the wrong idea.”
“I’m sure we’ll talk,” Jenna said vaguely. “I don’t suppose you’ll keep this conversation between us?”
Mercer didn’t answer right away. “I’m not one for sharing secrets. That said, if Jackson asks, I won’t lie.”
“Fair enough.”
Mercer, despite being maybe fifteen years younger, could make a really good friend, Jenna realized. She had a wisdom and depth that was surprising and possessed a quiet strength. She seemed dependable and fair. And if Jenna was right about Sandover being her escape, maybe Mercer needed a friend as well.
“Fair enough. Thank you for the tea. And for talking to me.”
“Anytime.”
Jenna made her way out of the office and out into the store, which was more crowded than she’d ever seen it. She still wanted to make food for Ethel but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Maybe she could pick up a meal from a restaurant or something. Lazy, but probably better than whatever she would make.
In the parking lot, people were taking down the tents and packing up their cars with the produce and goods left over from the Farmer’s Market. Jenna knew a lot of these faces, these people. Some simply smiled, but a few stopped her on the way to the car to tell her hello or say that they were sorry about her mother. This had been her mother’s home. She knew that, of course, but realized that she hadn’t really thought about it in that way. Her mom hadn’t just raised her children here, but after Jenna and Rachel were gone, after her husband died, she continued to grow roots. It could be that for Jenna too.
Instead of driving home, Jenna went to the beach. She chose a different public access, so she wouldn’t have to look up at Jackson’s house or run into him. Walking straight onto the beach, she left her flip flops by the wooden steps and didn’t stop until the cold waves lapped at her ankles, making her gasp.
The shock of the freezing water temperature freed up her tears. She stood there, the cold on her skin opening her up to really feel all the emotions roiling around in her belly.
Anger toward Steve for being the jerk he was and involving himself in her life. Frustration that it took her this long to see him for who he was.
Pain at the thought of letting Jackson go. Disappointment. Regret. There was a tiny sliver of hope too, one that tried to tell her Maybe if … But she shut that down. She had to. She needed to save herself from more pain.
As she stood there, facing the powerful waves and letting the wind toss her hair around her face, another kind of feeling washed over her. It was the memory of being small. The childlike understanding of her place—not just on this beach or island, but her place in the universe. She was a speck. Her problems were tiny in the grand scheme of history. The roar of waves reminded her of the God that she had been pushing away for the last year, out of bitterness and anger and pain.
Jenna was so small. And, as her faith seemed to stretch and unfurl within her, she knew that as small as she was, God cared. He saw her, just as he had seen Hagar in the story she loved so much in Genesis. Miserable, alone, suffering. Like Hagar, Jenna may have been tiny in the big, eternal scope of the world. But God knew her and he cared.
As she lifted her arms above her head, Jenna continued to cry. This time they were tears of healing and of joy. The pain was still there and would be for a while. But the peace of God washed over her, making her feel like she had finally come home.