“Tiny! Inside!” she shouted. The dog did not listen, but instead stopped by Roman’s side, nuzzling so his head was underneath Roman’s hand. Jenny laughed. “I guess he’s picked you over me. Come in, come in.”
Jenny stepped back, holding the door and he walked inside, the dog keeping stride so Roman’s hand stayed on its head. Roman swallowed, then swallowed again. He needed to speak, but didn’t know how to start or what to say. Jenny seemed to sense this and didn’t rush him, pointing out a small seating area open to the kitchen just inside the door.
“Go ahead and sit if you’d like. Can I get you a water?”
Roman nodded and sat down on the couch. It seemed too big for the space, especially crammed in next to the love seat. Had the other house been bigger? The dog sat at—or, more accurately, on—his feet. He realized that he still clutched the lilies in his hand.
“Oh,” he said, getting to his feet and following her to the kitchen. “I brought these for you and for Lucy. They should probably go in some water? I think they’re starting to wilt already.”
She smiled as he handed her the flowers, pressing them to her nose. “Lucy’s not here—I wasn’t sure the kids would be ready for this. I know she’ll love them. I do too. Thank you, Roman.”
The way his name fell from her lips sparked something in him. Not memory, but a deeper feeling that drew him to her. She spoke with familiarity and a tenderness that warmed him. He wanted to ask her to say his name again, but he knew that would be weird. He watched as she set the flowers down on the counter near the sink. She was petite and moved with grace. Had he admired these same things about her when he met her the first time?
“Could you hand me a vase? They’re up in that cabinet.” She pointed above the microwave.
Reaching up, he pulled down two vases. As he handed them to her, their fingers touched and heat blazed down his arm. A memory rushed by him, elusive. He strained for a moment, hoping to catch it. Realizing that their fingers were still touching, he pulled back.
“Sorry,” he said.
She studied his face. “You…remembered something?”
He nodded. “Kind of. Sometimes I can almost catch a memory, but they move away before I can fully grasp it. Like waking from a dream.”
“You did this before—getting me down a vase. In the other house they were in the same place, above the microwave. Our hands touched then, too.”
She smiled, blushing, then picked up the flowers. He watched as she ran water in the sink, cutting the stems under the flow before setting them in the vase.
“Did I give you those flowers, too?” he asked.
“No, but you did give me lilies once. The night of the ball. Lucy took the whole bouquet when you arrived, but you convinced her to give me just one.” She paused. Looking up at him, she leaned back against the counter, as though she needed something to hold her up. More quietly, she said, “I still have it. It’s pressed between the pages of my Bible.”
Roman felt a headache beginning in earnest now. It was so strange to have a conversation with someone who knew you intimately when you couldn’t remember them. Jenny held pieces of himself he might never get back. While he desperately wanted them, he didn’t know if he was ready for whatever would come out of this visit.
He could feel how strongly Jenny wanted him to remember her. She didn’t say so, but it was in the gentle way she told him about the vase and how their fingers touched. He could see it in her eyes. Before coming, Roman had hoped that he would regain his memory for his own sake, to stop the headaches and the frustration.
Now he desperately wanted to remember for her sake. He wanted to take away the traces of hurt that he saw in Jenny’s face, too deep for her to hide. Maybe he didn’t remember her, but Roman couldn’t ignore the intense drive he had to care for her. He wanted his memories back so that he could make Jenny happy. Seeing her in pain was unbearable to him and he would do anything
“Is your head hurting? I have some pain relievers if that would help.”
Roman realized that he was massaging the back of his neck. “I’ve got something if I need it. But thank you.”
“Why don’t we go sit?”
When they were seated on the couch and love seat, Roman sensed that she was waiting for him to say whatever it was that brought him here. She was so patient, trusting him, not pushing. Even though he could imagine how hard this might be for her. Of course, it had been months now since they had dated. Her feelings were probably different now. Maybe this felt like closure to her. Maybe that’s what it should feel like to him, but instead, he realized that in coming here, he was thinking more of beginnings than endings.
What did he need to say? He had thought about this moment for weeks. Blake had encouraged it, but Roman wanted it. He needed to see her.
“It’s okay, Roman. You can say whatever you need to say to me.”
Her eyes were mesmerizing. Wide and blue, but with other colors mixed into them. But it was the feelings contained in them that captivated him. She had a warm confidence and a tenderness that was evident in how she looked at him and in the way she spoke to him. Staring at her while she waited, he felt an irresistible pull toward her.
Is this how his feelings started before? Or was this simply his subconscious recognizing what he could not remember?
“I don’t know what I’m doing here.” He wanted to kick himself for the words that were so…dismissive. “That’s not exactly what I mean.”
He found himself looking down at his feet, rubbing the back of his head again. Of all the things he had thought to say in this moment, none of them were coming back to them. Maybe he should have written himself notes.
“Roman?” He startled at Jenny’s touch as she put her hand on his wrist. Almost without sound, she had moved next to him. “Is this okay?”