Page 10 of Endless Obsession

“Like what?” Jaz latches on instantly. “Tell me. I won’t judge you, I promise.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

“I won’t. Look—like I said in the car the other day. I’ve done some weird shit. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Really. Everyone has fantasies. I wouldn’t blame you if you had some crazy ones. Especially after being with Mr. Vanilla for so long.”

“I mean—” I swallow more of the wine, and I can feel that I’m definitely buzzed now. A little more than buzzed, even. Probably on my way to being drunk. I might actually be drunk, I realize, as I try to gather my thoughts and feel like they’re slipping and sliding all over the place. “A guy who focuses on me. I mean really focuses on just me and my pleasure. That’s one.”

Jaz snorts, and my eyes widen. “Hey! You said you wouldn’t judge.”

“I’m not judging, babe,” Jaz promises. “It’s just—that should be a basic requirement of every relationship. Sexual or otherwise. I don’t mean he has to make it all about you every time, but at least some of the time?—”

I frown. That definitely doesn’t describe my sex life with Nate. He liked to keep things perfunctory—a little foreplay to warm me up, and then straight to whatever position he wanted to fuck me in. Usually missionary, occasionally me on top, once in a great while from behind.

Thinking about that brings back the image of Valerie on her hands and knees on the bed, and I wince.

“I think—maybe a guy who talks dirty, too,” I admit, chewing on my lower lip. “Like one who would make me describe what I want. And ask for it.” Beg for it, even, I think, squeezing my thighs together, but I’m not ready to say that out loud yet.

Jaz chuckles. “Promise, no judgment. But again, that’s not anything crazy. You’re still in the minor leagues of sex fantasies here, Charlotte.”

I huff out a frustrated breath. “Okay, fine. What counts as a sexual fantasy to you, then?”

She laughs at that. “Lots of things. But what if I just showed you, instead?”

I frown. “I don’t know if?—”

“Not me personally.” Jaz lifts an eyebrow. “Although you are very hot, Charlotte. Hotter than you give yourself credit for.”

“So—what?” I finish my wine and set the glass down on the coffee table, a little unsteadily. The room is definitely starting to feel like it’s tilting a little bit, and all the horrible feelings from earlier feel blurred and softened. I should go to bed soon. I’m glad that this happened on a Friday night, at least—I won’t have to be hungover at work tomorrow or use a sick day to recover…both things that I’ve never had to deal with before. I don’t ever get this drunk.

Yet another thing I can blame on Nate.

“There’s a sex club downtown that I’ve gone to before,” Jaz says, as casually as if she were telling me about a new restaurant we could try, and I gape at her.

“You’ve been to a sex club? I thought those just existed in movies.”

She laughs. “No, babe, they’re definitely real. This one is unique, too.”

“How so?” I wrinkle my nose, flopping back on the couch as I try to see if I can get the room to stop tilting that way. I don’t think I actually like being drunk.

“Everyone wears masks.” Jaz grins. “It’s completely anonymous, so all kinds of people go there—people who normally wouldn’t want to be seen out at a place like that. Doctors, lawyers, you know. People who would have something to lose, but want to work their kinks out somewhere.”

“And it’s just a free-for-all?” My pulse kicks up a notch, and I feel uneasy at the thought—but also something else, too. A feeling of curious arousal. I’m—turned on by the idea. The thought of doing something with a complete, masked stranger sounds wild and impulsive, the kind of thing I’ve never done before. But I’m starting to wonder if I’m missing out on things by being so uptight. If I could have had all kinds of experiences over the last five years, that would have kept me from getting screwed over by someone like Nate.

“No, absolutely not,” Jaz says firmly. “There are rules. They ask every new person about their fantasies, their limits, and they give you a bracelet that will fit what you’re looking for. Everyone wears them and knows what they mean, so no one does anything or gets asked to do anything they’re not comfortable with. And everyone has to submit a recent battery of test results from a doctor. Anyone with a regular membership has to update it periodically. And condoms are required for sex. So it’s safe, too. They take it all very seriously.”

“I—wow.” I press a hand to my forehead, trying to think through the blur of the alcohol. “That’s a lot to process. It sounds like you’ve been there a lot.”

“A few times.” Jaz grins at me. “No judgment, remember?”

“No judgment,” I echo. “That’s just—I didn’t expect that.”

“Do you want to go?” That grin is still plastered across her face. “We could go next weekend. Friday and Saturday nights are great.”

I hesitate. I can’t believe I’m even considering this. But I think of what I saw on Nate’s phone, the picture of Valerie, all those dirty text messages. All of the things he asked her to do—and god knows how many other women—that he never even mentioned to me that he might want.

“Think of it as revenge,” Jaz says with a gleeful look on her face. “Nate spent all that time cheating on you, and giving you mediocre dick in return. Now, you can go explore your fantasies with someone else. And while he’s regretting losing you and the life you had together, you’ll be learning all kinds of new things about yourself.”

I do want revenge. Underneath the haze of the wine, I can still feel all the hurt and embarrassment and anger simmering. And even as outrageous as all of this sounds, I am curious.

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