Page 95 of Broken Bonds

I kiss her hand repeatedly before answering, I’m relieved to see her open her eyes, even though she’s staring at me with thunder in them. “I’ve been looking for you, Stella.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” The light from a lamp on the side of the room fills her with a soft golden glow, her eyes sparkle, full of unshed tears. That breaks my heart. “Why did you come? You have no business here, and I have no idea who is trying to harm you. Now you can leave me alone.”

She ends this by raising her eyebrows, inviting me to oppose her.

“Listen, Stella, I know you heard what my mother and I…”

She raises one of her hands, I think she’s going to touch my face, but suddenly she stops herself.

“I want you to go, Lionel,” she tells me in a low but firm voice. Thick tears have already escaped from her eyes. “There is nothing between you and me, everything is a lie. And don’t tell me otherwise because it was your choice, you could have told me everything a thousand times, and you decided not to.”

I get up from my chair, needing a couple of seconds to compose myself and remember the speech I had so carefully prepared.

“I-I-I know, Hvezda, I know. I ask for your forgiveness, I was wrong, and I’m so sorry. I wish I could start all over again, but I can’t.”

She closes her eyes. Her lips quiver like her hands, which she has entwined on her chest.

“I’m not interested in hearing your excuses, Lionel, go or I’ll call the nurse so they can escort you out.” She says it in a low but firm voice, here is the strong woman I’ve learned to love and respect. “Go away!”

I clear my throat before speaking. “I’m going to leave the room because that’s what you want, but I’m not leaving. I won’t leave you alone, neither you nor our baby.”

More tears, this time she puts her hands to her face, trying to support herself.

“You don’t know that, you don’t know if it’s your baby or…”

Of course I know, why would she say otherwise?

“He was at my house. He had been waiting for me. I was drunk and broken. He found me in the bathroom and took me to the room. When I woke up hours later, naked in the bed.”

My hands are clenched into fists on either side of my body, motherfucker, I must find him and then make him pay me for what he’s done to her. But she has to know…

“Stella, you’re eight weeks pregnant, it’s not possible…”

Not caring about anything else, I sit next to her bed, wrapping her in my arms. She continues crying, her face buried in my neck, wetting my shirt. Let it all out, let go, I’m here with you. You will never be alone again, my heart is your home. I tell her as I run my hands down her back, comforting her. Telling her with my body what I know now I should tell her with more than just words.

“It doesn’t matter when it happened,” she murmurs when her crying has subsided. “What he did…”

I’m going to kill him, but first I’m going to cut his balls off and make him swallow them. Slowly and painfully.

“Listen, you and I, we are a family. And families face everything together.”

That makes her cry harder.

“And if it turns out that…”

Her body shudders, but I hold firm. I’m her rock. She can rest on me.

“That doesn’t change anything. The baby is yours, and you are mine. You know I would love him or her regardless. I know you know.” Growing up in the system, I know what it’s like to feel rejected. I wouldn’t do that to a child, much less to Stella’s kid. In my mind and my heart, it would be mine.

“You can let me go now.”

She pushes me with her hands, trying to put some distance between us.

“Never,” I reply, pressing her closer to my chest, but she struggles to free herself from my grip.

“I want you to go,” she says quietly but firmly. “I told you when you were in the hospital, I’ll sign anything for you. Just go away.”

She doesn’t have to sign anything because it won’t be necessary. We haven’t said everything that needs to be said.

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