Page 63 of Beyond our Forever

Magnolia flowers.

Because the spring has returned.

I look down at the red leather journal I’m holding. But that’s not what catches my attention, it is my left ring finger where I continue to wear the ring he gave me, that I have never been able to take off, not even in the worst times. I think it would have felt like I was cutting off everything.

I get to work, writing down everything that has happened these past months, letting everything out. Allowing the sea of words dilute my pain, the ocean of ink and lines drowning the sorrow and sadness, the vastness of that open sky allowing me to heal, to come back to life and be happy.

Because I deserve it. It’s time to get back and be happy.

That’s the first part, believing those words. Because I have to believe it, happiness only begins when you decide to accept the truth. If you want to change the world, start by changing the person that you see in the mirror every day. That’s the big challenge.

I keep writing, letting it all out, until my phone rings, bringing me back to the present.

Emilia’s name appears and I prepare myself, knowing what she’s going to tell me when I fill her in about everything that has happened in the last few hours.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” she says disapprovingly when I’m finished. “You’ve gone back to your husband, but what about Mikel? It must be him who’s sending you the gifts, who else could it be?”

“That doesn’t matter anymore, Emilia,” I tell her, because it’s true. “Bruce is my husband, the love of my life.”

“I think you’re making a mistake by taking him back. He doesn’t deserve it,” she chides me. “You’re going to see that I’m right.”

To tell the truth, her reaction really bothers me, why can’t she just swallow her opinion and support me for once?

“Did you let him back in the house?”

“We decided to take things slowly, start again, give ourselves time to win each other back.”

She sighs and I can almost see her rolling her eyes.

“That man must be hung like a horse for you to be willing to take such a risk.”

“It’s not all about sex, Emilia.” Now I’m the one rolling my eyes.

“Are you going to deny that lack of sex was a big part of the problem?”

“No,” I answer. “But it wasn’t just about that, what I missed most was the intimacy with my husband, that connection we always had. It’s not just about fucking, Emilia, that’s not how it works.”

“Oh my God, Jane Austin, tell me what you’ve done with my friend and where I can find her.”

She laughs but it sounds bitter.

“Emilia,” I say wearily, wanting to end the call. “The kids are home, we’ll talk later.”

“Are you going to Steph’s party? You can’t refuse, we’d already agreed you would go.”

“I’ll see with Bruce, but I guess so. I just have to find someone to take care of the kids.”

I say goodbye quickly, my good mood is gone thanks to my supposed friend. Mulling it over, I don’t understand her attitude. I know she has more than one divorce but why does she want me go through that same ordeal?

Gender solidarity?

I hope we don’t get to the point of having to choose, because given the choice, my decision would be clear.

My friend might be important to me, but my family will always come first.

Always.

I carry on with my day with so many things spinning around in my head. Emilia and her attitude. How I miss Warren at times like this. I wish I could talk to him, without him showing up ready to dismember Bruce.

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