Page 53 of Beyond our Forever

“Tell dad what you said to me,” Aaron insists furiously.

“What did you say to your brother, Noah?” Bruce asks, shaking the boy.

“Tell him!” Aaron yells, even as Bruce holds his hand up to silence him

My son opens his mouth a few times as he tries to organize his thoughts. Can’t be easy for him to say it while I’m standing there listening. I’m really puzzled by how my boys are reacting, it’s very rare for Aaron to lose his temper in this way, he is generally calm and focused, while Noah is generally more outgoing, he’s a sensitive soul. I never imagined having to witness a scene like this.

Never.

“You’re to blame for all of this,” Noah snaps at me bitterly. “You threw dad out of the house, that’s why he left, you destroyed everything and I don’t want to live with you, I don’t even like you.”

When Bruce drops his hands and releases his hold, Noah takes the opportunity to run down the stairs to his own room.

He sees me as the culprit, the bad witch in the story, because in the midst of my unhappiness I dared to explode and refuse to disappear into everyone else’s sea of needs.

Because I made my feelings known instead of subduing them.

Knowing that I need his support, Bruce wraps me in his arms, holding me tight against his body, whispering a few words in my ear, but a heavy cloud of confusion deafens me, so I barely hear him.

“We’re going to get through this together, as we always do,” I hear him murmur, his voice sounding distant. “You stay here with Aaron, while I go and talk to Noah.”

Before he releases me, he kisses me on the forehead, caresses my hair, and puts my son’s hand in mine.

“Take care of your mother.”

I let myself be guided by my son, who takes me to sit in an armchair in the family room, and turns on the TV, I suppose to make some noise or perhaps to entertain himself.

But then I notice the injuries on his face, so I go to the kitchen in search of the first aid kit. Each hit is a slap to my face, each scratch a cut to my insides. Aaron was defending me, I’m sure of that. Confronting his brother for me.

How low we’ve fallen.

This is the reality of my family, it’s falling apart, piece by piece, it turns out it was not so strong.

After a while, Aaron falls asleep, exhausted. Poor boy, he must be emotionally devastated, trying to be strong and do what he believes is the right thing.

I’m just not sure what the right thing is anymore.

“Hey.” Bruce finds me a while later in the kitchen, making some tea. “Don’t worry, he’s already sleeping.”

I sigh with relief. Surely in the morning with a cool head we will see everything in a different light.

“You want a beer?” I offer.

“A whiskey neat is what I really need,” he sighs, shrugging his sport jacket off. “But I’ll settle for some water.”

“What did he say?” We flop down onto the dining room chairs, trying not to disturb Aaron who is still asleep on the couch.

“Basically the same thing you heard. Noah blames you for our separation.”

“What did you say to him?”

“I told him that adult problems don’t have a single culprit, no single person is to blame, that it’s more complicated than that. I think he understands now that it wasn’t just you.”

“And what are you thinking now?”

“I want my family back, Ilythia, I want them all back.”

I’m silent for a couple minutes, looking at his handsome face. The truth is I miss him, my love for him still here, inside my heart, refusing to die.

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