Page 2 of Beyond our Forever

Until recently I was the only one in the world, in his world.

How long has it been since we were that happy?

How long since we were laughing at a joke only the two of us understood?

How long since we forgot that we needed time alone?

“On another topic,” she interrupts herself. “Are you going to Stephanie’s party?”

Not if I can help it.

“I’m thinking about it,” I reply evasively. “Why, are you planning to go?”

“Of course! I’m not going to miss it and neither should you.”

I still don’t feel like seeing people, much less exposing myself to their comments and questions. They say karma is a bitch, but gossip is worse, let me tell you.

“Do you want to go with me to the hairdresser?” she asks. I have no idea how much time passed while I was lost in my thoughts, my regrets. “It would be a good place to start. The party is coming up and you cannot go like this.”

The same party I don’t plan on going to. If I’m being honest, I really don’t want to go. Not even a little bit.

“Maybe another day,” I reply reluctantly. Perhaps another time, when this unwanted jealousy and envy is not driving me crazy. Right now, all I want is to go home. I have to make dinner, it’s after ten and the children will come home from school starving, as always.

“Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today,” my friend hounds me with her knowing smile.

Maybe so.

Maybe I should start right now by doing something for me, like changing my pants that are four sizes too big, and cutting my hair, as Emilia has insisted that I should. The question is, can I be bothered?

And more importantly, what’s the point? Who cares?

“I’m going to call Martin right now. I’m sure he’ll make time if I ask him, give you an appointment you can’t refuse.”

“But the children…” That is my winning trick, they need to be fed.

Not even Emilia, who thinks she knows everything, can refute that.

“Knowing you as I do, I’m sure you have some food in the freezer you can just heat up in the microwave. If not, there are always burgers. I’m sure having them once a year won’t harm your kids.”

With the latter, she silences me, even though she knows I’m not fond of fast food. That was something Bruce and I always agreed on. From a very young age we always taught our children to take care of their diet. Someday, when they are older, they will thank us.

Bruce.

Him again.

Why can’t I spin a memory without him being there?

I’m completely screwed.

Shortly after, Emilia drags me out of her house, which by the way, is just a few steps from mine. According to her, this Martin will have to work a miracle to make me look like something out of a fashion magazine from this century.

Her words, not mine.

???

An hour later, after stopping by my house to take out some of the food that Emilia likes to make fun of from my freezer, I’m sitting in a swivel chair in front of a large mirror, with my head full of aluminum foil, looking more like a Martian than a woman. Boy, my hair is really horrible. I can see burnt tips and frizz everywhere.

How long has it been since I did something as simple as this for myself?

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