Page 84 of Rainstorm

Don’t cry, Roselynn.

Don’t cry.

No more tears, especially not in front of him.

“No, there isn’t. I still don’t understand what happened, why you left me, Chase. I know we went through some tough times, and I know our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I never knew things were that bad. Obviously you felt they were, but what I don’t get now is why you’re refusing to let me go?”

All his attention is focused on me, as if he’s contemplating the divinity, a treasure, the love of his life.

“There’s something I want you to understand,” he says, staring into my eyes and I swear I could believe anything he says right now, anything. “Me leaving you is not because I want to, it’s because I believe it’s the right thing to do, that it’s what’s best for you. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, it hurts like a motherfucker seeing you walk away.”

“Don’t try making out you’re being all noble here. I’m not the one walking away, you’ve pushed me away, thrown me off the edge of the world. You’re not the man I fell in love with, Chase, he doesn’t exist anymore.”

It hurts to admit this, it hurts a lot. But as the old saying goes, ‘you cannot hide the sunlight with just one finger’, so there’s no use pretending things aren’t the way they are.

“If you were really doing this for me, you’d start by giving me the real reasons as to why. Please tell me, is it because I became a different woman? Is that why you’ve discarded me? Am I boring now that I’m no longer the amusing girl in front of the TV cameras?”

“Rose, don’t say that, I swear this has nothing to do with that. This is my problem, my burden to carry.”

He’s driving me crazy, how dare he say that this is his problem? It’s not you, it’s me. Those infamous words. How trite when he’s fucking with my life!

Enough.

“Goodbye, Chase!” I get up from the couch, kissing him briefly on the lips, savoring them for one last time, cherishing the flavor I was addicted to. “You say that you love me and think about me, that you only want what’s best for me, so prove it. Let me go free, sign the fucking papers and sell this house.”

He tries to stand up, but instead he falls back on the coach. I know he wants to argue, that he’s not ready to concede. But I’m really tired of us going round and round in circles. I need to move on. Because if I don’t, this will kill me.

“This is the end. Goodbye, my love,” I finally manage to say, as I take off the two rings he put on my finger so long ago, dropping them onto the coffee table. I’ll feel naked without them, but that’s the least of my problems.

He looks so defeated, so broken, my words stab him, I know they do. But I’m also wounded and bleeding. There’s no courage, no pride, and no ego, my heart is broken. My past is shattered and my future is devastated.

There is only the here and now left, the present, for me to build my life again.

However, once I close the door behind me I’m in total meltdown, because there’s nothing more I can do about it.

The good part is that I never have to close that door again.

Chapter 20

Chase

Five years ago

Time passed quickly. Once my most urgent projects were completed, my bosses agreed that I could monitor the remaining contracts remotely with the help of an assistant supervisor making site visits, so I packed my bags and made the move south to start my new role.

I felt torn about my new circumstances. On the one hand, San Diego was only a couple of hours away, not on the other side of the world, but on the other hand, it meant that I could no longer see Roselynn on a daily basis, which I hated. So much so, that when I left, I had to stop myself from taking the first exit on the freeway and returning to the house—and to the bed—where I had left the woman I loved.

After a month and a half of living in a bland hotel room, I found a furnished apartment to rent and the first thing I did was call Rose to invite her to come and visit.

Our FaceTime conversations, along with my all too brief weekend trips back to see her, were nowhere near enough to satisfy the hunger inside me.

I missed her. Her spirit made my world brighter. I missed her witty comments, I even missed her burnt meals.

Bottom line—I really missed my girlfriend.

Looking on the bright side, Roselynn had proven to be quite adventurous when it came to sexting. She took great pains to find games for us to play and had become a regular customer at a sex shop she’d discovered near the studio where she worked.

But using my hand as a partner was not enough to keep me satisfied, and I was surprised it wasn’t blistered. It certainly wasn’t anything like a reasonable replacement for the woman I craved.

---