Page 50 of Rainstorm

I’m trying to hate that same man in my present.

Our future is uncertain. More than ever.

The hardest part about this Sunday is that I have to do two things; I have to start making plans for my near future, and I must call my parents.

Having promised, I must keep my word, although that’s something easier said than done.

So here I sit on Ariel’s purple couch, phone in hand, gathering courage to press the green button on the screen, and I’m trembling with nerves when my mother answers on the first ring.

“Rosie, we’ve been so worried about you! Your father’s been out of his mind!” she immediately admonishes without so much as a ‘hello’. “Even though Chase called us this morning to let us know that he’d finally found you, we were still so worried, since you hadn’t been in touch to let us know what was going on.”

“Mom, first of all, can I just say that Chase didn’t ‘find’ me since I wasn’t lost; I just needed a couple of days by myself.”

“Honey, once we found out you and Chase were splitting up, we naturally assumed you’d be coming home, so we’ve been waiting for you.” Her tone reminds me of being scolded when I was a little child. “Your old apartment is ready for you. I’ve put fresh sheets on the bed and scented the room with some lavender sprigs, just as you like. So, what time will you be getting here? Should we expect you for lunch?”

Oh Lord, this is even worse than I expected.

“Mom, I certainly plan on visiting you guys soon, but I won’t be coming back to live with you. My home is here in San Diego, that hasn’t changed.”

She’s silent.

As the heavy silence continues, I refuse to back down. I have to make a stand, start as I mean to go on.

“But this is your home, Roselynn, and since you’re going through a rough time, we want you here with us. That husband of yours might be a coward to have left you the way he has, but you have family to support you. Always. You know how much we love you, and we think this will be an opportunity for you to get back on track with your old life here.”

My old life. She means before Chase. If only I could remember that life.

I take a deep breath before filling her in about my immediate plans, or rather lack of them.

My back stiffens as determination sets in.

No way can I go back. Not like this.

Defeated.

Broken.

They’d smother me with well-intentioned love, but then I’d struggle even harder to recover.

I need to rebuild myself first.

“Mom, I really appreciate the offer, but looking back, I realize I’ve allowed myself to become far too dependent on Chase, so it’s about time I stood on my own two feet. Let’s not forget I’m hardly a child any more—I’m nearly thirty, remember?”

I need time to find my way, to work out which path leads to my new life.

“I know, I know,” Mom sighs, as she concedes my point. “But for us, you kids never really grow up, so you’ll always be our little girl.”

Gosh, my heart is breaking all over again, as I realize this nightmare is killing them too.

“I guess that’s true, Mom, and I’m grateful that I have a loving and supporting family, but I need to do this by myself.”

“But what will you do?” she cries.

“I don’t know yet, but we’ll find out soon enough,” I answer truthfully, just praying that’ll be the case.

“Darling, won’t you reconsider? Come back home for a while at least, just until you get yourself sorted,” she begs.

“I’m sorry that you’re worried about me, but believe it or not, I am an adult and I have to do this my way.”

---