Page 41 of Rainstorm

Get off, damn it! Get this ring off!

A scream echoes around the walls of the tiny bathroom, but I barely recognize it as mine.

It’s a cry of pain. Of desperation.

Of deep sadness.

I’m drowning here, in a sea of desperation inside the four tiled walls of Ariel’s bathroom. The smell of my soul dying surrounds me, making the air unbreathable.

Overflowing me.

Engulfing me.

Making me fall.

Deep, so deep.

“Rosie, what’s happening in there?” I hear Ariel’s voice as if from a distance, like there are miles separating us. I’m not really here at all, I’m in a place where nobody can reach me.

A place away from help.

I’m in hell.

A living hell.

“Open the door, Roselynn!” she screams at me. But I can’t do it, I just want to get this fucking wedding band off.

And forget.

Everything.

And feel like myself again. Just for a while, please, please.

Give me this, God! You’ve taken everything else away, surely you can at least grant me this.

A little piece of peace.

A slice of heaven.

“Rosie, what the hell are you doing?” Ariel has forced her way in and is looking at my soapy hands in the sink as I frantically pull at my wedding band. “Let it go, girl, let it go.”

But I can’t. I really can’t.

Believe me. I want to. But something refuses.

Ariel shuts off the water and my insides break. I can’t restrain it. I can’t help it.

I collapse and fall on the floor, then let my pain take over.

And I cry, cry and cry.

“I’m here.” Two slender arms surround me, gently rocking me, comforting me. “You’re not alone, Rosie, you’re not alone.”

I can feel my soul screaming in the middle of the storm.

Begging for what I can’t have.

Begging for solace.

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