Page 22 of Rainstorm

“I don’t want time to think, I want my marriage back. I want my husband back. I want you back.” He might have had time to think about this, but Chase has just calmly thrown this bomb into my life, destroying everything I am, everything I have, leaving me completely devastated.

When he just keeps his mouth shut, I want to hit him on the head so hard to knock some sense into him.

“Why?” I ask. He at least owes me an explanation.

“Roselynn, let’s not prolong this,” he murmurs, and already I can sense he’s not prepared to open up any more than this. “It’s all settled.”

No. I’m not accepting his avoidance. Perhaps this shit is settled for him, but I deserve so much more; an explanation, a thousand of them.

“You are a fucking coward, Chase Holland, a fucking coward! Who in the hell tells his wife that he wants a divorce like this? I want an explanation for God’s sake. I deserve an explanation!”

The whole house is shaking because I’m yelling so loudly but I’ll be damned if I feel bad about it. If I don’t let these thoughts out, it’ll feel as if I’m holding my breath under water, that I’m drowning, suffocating.

“Did you stop loving me?” I scream. “Is that it, Chase? You’ve met someone else?”

I can’t bear the thought of him being unfaithful. His skin is mine, his body is mine. Or at least that’s what I thought.

Until now.

“There’s no one, I could never be with anyone else,” he states emphatically. “It’s only ever been you, Rose. You know how much I’ve loved you.”

Loved.

Past tense.

“Until now!” I’m surprised I said that out loud.

He closes his eyes, as if in deep pain. But I can’t feel pity for him, not when my own soul is bleeding.

He says it’s settled. He says there is no going back.

“I just want to know what’s happened, what’s gone wrong,” I insist, keeping my tears at bay. I can’t crumble now. “You owe me that much, surely.”

Stay strong, Rose.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he starts, after a couple minutes of tense silence. “I’ve had some time between my work trips and I’ve decided that at this point in my life, I want to be free. I don’t want any ties.”

“You’ve always been free, motherfucker, I’ve never forced you to stay with me.”

“But I always feel responsible for you, Rose. And at this moment in my life, I don’t want that responsibility.”

“So I’m a burden to you,” I murmur in disbelief. “I’m nothing more than a nag, a nuisance, an irritation.”

I feel my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces. Our bond is broken, there’s nothing left worth fighting for if that’s how my husband sees me. It’s like battling the waves in a storm on the open sea.

“I’ll go pack my things. I’ve made a reservation at a nearby hotel. You can get in touch if you need anything,” he informs me.

If I need anything?

How could I possibly ask him for anything, when he’s just told me he’s leaving because I’m too heavy a load to carry in his life.

“I don’t need a single thing except you.” Begging is pathetic, I know, but he’s tearing my soul apart. Shredding it. Smashing it. “I need my husband to come back to me. My real husband, not this uncaring bastard standing in front of me.”

He nods silently. At least he’s not trying to deny it.

This isn’t the man I married.

The man who swore to devote his life to me.

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