Page 118 of Rainstorm

Today Chase gets out of the hospital. Today is the first day of the rest of his life. And I’m not there with him. And yes, that’s my choice, but it still feels all wrong.

“You know he’s okay, you know everything went well, so stop worrying.”

“I know, but still…”

It’s true that Chase’s recovery has been almost a miracle, and it seems he’s been given a second chance. He’s already practically made a full recovery and after some further rehab, physically he’ll be just as good as before, maybe even better.

“Just accept that you still care about him and that you’ve missed him,” she insists, while she calmly paints her long nails an electric shade of blue to match her hair.

“Just as you’re going to accept you like that guy at the bank?” I counter.

“Don’t be so ridiculous!” she scoffs, as she throws a cotton ball with nail polish remover at me. “Just be honest with yourself. You know you want to be with Chase when he gets out of the hospital. And you should be. After all that’s happened, it’s nothing short of a miracle he’s going to walk out of there virtually unscathed and practically good as new.”

I can’t deny that’s true, even Chase has admitted as much. Not that I’ve actually spoken to him, but his mother has kept me updated about his recovery.

I know that it must have been confusing for Chase to have woken up and found just a letter from me on his nightstand, instead of being there in person. But even though he would have been disappointed, I know that he wouldn’t have wanted me there for all the wrong reasons.

Because there was no denying our paths had become separated in spite of our love.

For us, love was not enough.

Our love story did not have a happy ending, as can sometimes happen if you’re really lucky.

Of course we can both still be happy, discovering separately what fate has in store for us.

It’s just him.

It’s just me.

We don’t exist anymore.

Chase and Roselynn are better off alone.

That’s what I’ve been telling myself over and over again, trying to convince myself I’ve done the right thing.

So why the fuck do I feel this hollow emptiness in my chest every time I think about him?

Why is it that despite everything, I still feel that spark between us? No matter how much I try to ignore it, it’s still there, threating to reignite and whoosh into flames. Trust me, I’ve tried really hard to suffocate it under layers of work, plans, and projects, but that spark stubbornly refuses to be extinguished.

Of course, I’ll never admit any of this out loud, let alone in front of my crazy blue haired friend.

“Roselynn, there’s still time, just go to the hospital,” she urges.

“No!” I stubbornly insist. “It doesn’t matter anyway, he won’t be there, he’ll be on his way to Riverside by now with his mother and sisters - his whole family was coming to collect him.”

“Everyone except you,” she points out, and I know where she’s going with this.

“I’m not part of his family anymore, Ariel. If case you’ve forgotten, I left the signed divorce papers by his hospital bed.”

“I see. So, has he actually completed the process?’

“No, but that doesn’t mean anything, Ariel. Jesus, the man was just in the hospital, for crying out loud.”

Our friendly arguing is interrupted by a loud, insistent knocking at the door.

Blowing on her fingers and making the chicken motion at me, Ariel heads to the door while I look for my cell phone to check my work emails, as a means of distracting myself from thoughts of Chase. As always, I’m swamped with work even though it’s the weekend.

I hear her speaking with someone at the door and I know it can’t be a door-to-door salesman – one advantage of living in a condominium.

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