Page 111 of Rainstorm

However, I’m desperately hoping and praying that I haven’t left it too late to put things right. At least she’s here, and she’s talking with me now. She finally knows the truth, and what our future holds will depend on the decisions we make today. The least of these concerns is my job, having to changing locations, because if I have to stay in San Diego to be with her, I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Rose has told me of her plans, how she’s just setting out on an exciting new venture. I’m so proud of her, and I’d never want to take that from her, not when I’m about to ask her to sacrifice even more important things.

It’s been such a difficult, confusing time, and my mother has been an important factor in helping me to work through my mistakes, my cowardice, my fears.

But she’s not been the only family member I’ve been talking things through with. The most unexpected person to knock some sense into my head has been my cousin Zephyr.

“So, you act all selfless, Chase. You push tu Rosita away, don’t give her any choice in the matter, let her go. Then a bit further down the road, she meets someone else. Could you live with the knowledge that she’d given herself to another man?” he’d asked.

He knows me so well, how possessive I feel about Rose, what a selfish prick I am. Just the thought of another bastard putting his filthy hands on her made me feel physically sick.

“Never!” I’d growled at him.

Of course I had to accept that eventually she’d find another man, but I was praying that wouldn’t happen while I was still around, maybe not until I was six feet under.

“Chase, you’re prepared to give up and die alone, just to give her the chance to live her life. But don’t give up on your life yet! Who knows, any of us could drop dead tomorrow, you have to live each day as if it’s your last. And Rose loves you! Give her a chance to make an informed choice. You were always the chaser, the leader. A winner. Fight for your life, ‘mano. Live for you and for her. Damn it, live your life with her, if that’s what she wants.”

His brutally honest advice was a surprise, that was for sure. All Zephyr usually seemed bothered about was that old Mustang my uncle gave to him years ago. This sage version of my cousin was somewhat of a revelation.

“You need to tell her, man. Find a way to fix this mess you’ve gotten yourself into and tell her, be sincere, tell her everything. I’m really looking forward to her kicking your ass into gear and convincing you to get some proper treatment, instead of giving up and just accepting that useless palliative shit.”

All I’d ever wanted was for my wife to be happy, to have what she deserved, what she’d dreamed of since childhood. Everything that I’d promised myself that I would give her from the moment I first saw her sitting in that bar on that day so long ago. The moment that changed the course of my life, but I don’t regret it for a single moment.

“All I wanted was to protect her, shield her from this shit storm.”

“Well, ‘mano, as you said to me the day you met Roselynn. Sometimes you don’t run away from the storm, sometimes you chase it.”

Since that day, we’d been inseparable. Even though I’d known from the start that she was going to be mine, the truth was, I could never have imagined the full implications of meeting her.

I had met the great love of my life.

Love at first sight?

Even now I don’t know if I believe in that. She dazzled me with her beauty that first night, that’s true, but what I discovered as time passed was much more than a simple infatuation. Roselynn was what I’d always wanted without even knowing it.

For better or worse.

‘Til death us do part.

Fucking hell.

I hear the rainstorm beating against the windows, but I know the real storm will be here, in this room. Because I have to find a way to convince her to honor and keep our wedding vows, even though I was the stupid fool who broke them first.

It’s now or never, I have to do this before I lose my nerve. I’ve told her the whole ugly truth, now I have to see if she’s still prepared to be my wife. Or will she turn and run from me as far as possible? I wouldn’t blame her if she did.

“Rose,” I whisper. “I love you so much, my darling wife…”

Tears wet her cheeks, her pain overflowing and seeking an outlet.

I’m hurting just as much as she is. But I have to ask her to stay. I’m playing with my life here or what’s left of it.

“I’ll tell you the same thing I said when you threw the divorce papers in my face.” She takes a deep breath like a sniper preparing to shoot his target. “You’re a fucking coward Chase Holland, a fucking coward!”

I am not a coward, but I can’t deny that I acted like one.

Fear was my enemy. The fear of losing her, of losing the life we had, of our dreams vanishing into the storm.

We are in the eye of the hurricane, danger swirls all around us.

Bare. Alone. Vulnerable.

---