Yes, the flame is still there, we haven’t lost it.
This is just a bump in the road, not a mountain. We can go around it, keep advancing, keep going. Marriage is like an awesome road trip, so I’m ready, eager even, to enjoy the journey, and not complain about the obstacles in our path.
Now I just need a plan, I already have the determination to accomplish it.
“You think we will need to move upstate? To Sacramento, I mean.”
“No, doll, I dragged you down here, I’m not asking you to move again. I know you love the city, your life is here.”
Your life... not ours. A slip of his tongue?
“I wouldn’t mind, I hope you know that.” Operation Seduce My Husband is in full force. “If you want to live there, I’ll be a NorCal girl.”
I reach across the table, my hand searching for his, entwining our fingers. His sad gaze fixes on our laced hands, and he refuses to let go even when the waitress comes back with our food.
No worries, I’m good with this eating arrangement.
Suddenly silence is fogging the space between us.
Dark.
Heavy.
Despite the fact that Chase doesn’t let go my hand, his mind is elsewhere, a place too far away from here. Too far away from me.
By the time we are on our way back home after our meal, I’m close to throwing myself out of the car. I’m grasping the seat so hard I’m pretty sure my knuckles are white. I want to scream and cry so loud. But I bite my lip and remain calmly focused on my plan. My eyes fixed on my goal. This war is being fought within the silence of my broken heart, flaw by flaw. Crack by crack. I need to be smart and choose my battles wisely. I want to avoid wearing myself down, because in the end, we’ll conquer. This isn’t about me. It’s about us.
Our destiny.
Our fate.
Our happiness.
Once we’re home, I hurry to our ensuite bathroom, bringing with me my lingerie shopping expedition treasure. Not a single body hair remains after my shower. Twenty minutes have passed, shit, this is taking more time than I expected.
Taking a slow, deep breath I open the door to find my husband on the bed already, lying on his side, facing away. The wooden shutters closed, only my night table lamp on, the bedroom aglow with soft silver light.
Getting on the bed, I crawl over to be close to him. “Chase,” I murmur, touching his shoulder softly.
“Mhmm,”
That’s all the response I get.
Feeling more adventurous, I touch his arm, making him stir. He’s thinner now than a few months ago, but he still is the man of my dreams. All of them.
“Doll.” The murmur leaves his lips, giving me the green light to keep going. I’m on the right path.
And it is the path of dark blond hairs below his navel. Yeah, the road to happiness.
“Rose, I’m tired,” I hear him say, not even opening his eyes.
“Chase, I miss you. I miss us.”
“I have an early flight to catch.”
I know that’s an excuse, a lame one at that. This isn’t the first time he’s had an early flight to catch, and it never used to stop us.
“Chase, what’s happening to us?”