Page 56 of Whispers of My Skin

“You know the truth,” I murmur.

“You know what I think?” I shake my head. “You came to find me because you still felt something for me. Feelings so strong they were still there, even after all these years.”

Arrogant bastard. But totally correct, damn him.

“Believe it or not, my world doesn’t revolve around you,” I protest weakly. Because it does.

“Admit it, my love,” he repeats. “Admit that you came looking for me because you needed me.”

“Yes, because I needed someone to take care of things at the ranch.”

“And to take care of you, too,” he doggedly persists.

I huff loudly, knowing we’re just going to go round and round in circles. Joel can be very persistent and determined, and I know he’s not going to give up until he gets me to admit he’s right about everything.

So I cave, throwing up my hands as I admit, “Yes, okay, I came looking for you because I needed you, because I wanted to be happy during whatever time I had left. Yes, I went looking for you because I still love you!” The final mask falls, my heart is laid bare. It’s terrifying but liberating in equal measures.

Joel’s eyes gleam.

“Finally. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” he grins. “Now we can start making plans together, because I promise we’re going to get through this, Tara. We’re going to find a way to make you well again, and then I’m going to give you everything because I love you too. You’ve always been the love of my life, and you always will be.”

And when we kiss, it’s as if we’re finally together for all the right reasons.

Because we love each other.

Even though I’m in a hospital bed, I sleep better than I have in months, years, even. Ironically, I sleep like the dead. Funny, not funny, I know. But black humor is the way forward, right? Maybe it’s because Joel literally has my back, since I convinced him to share my bed rather than attempt sleeping on the hard, uncomfortable chair next to it.

“You’re despicable,” I pronounce the following morning, as I try to eat something that resembles cold oatmeal. It’s disgusting, like all hospital food. “You forced a confession out of me while I was lying injured in a hospital bed.”

“Ah, but confession is good for the soul, baby,” he winks. “That’s why you slept like a log last night. You may not approve of my methods, but the results speak for themselves.”

He laughs when I throw a balled-up napkin in his face. I love his laugh, it’s such a wonderful sound and sadly makes me realize how little laughter there’s been in my life over recent times.

“Well, I’m glad to see you’re obviously feeling better,” the doctor comments as he enters the room, followed by a female colleague, while an orderly also comes in to hastily clear my breakfast tray out of the doctor’s way. “This is Dr. Wang, the hepatologist we spoke about yesterday, Mr. Sadger, and she will be taking care of your wife’s treatment.”

While they examine me, I quietly lie there while the two doctors converse in medical terms way over my head.

“Mrs. Sadger, we urgently need your medical records to clarify our understanding of your previous treatment, as we were very surprised to see Cyanamid included in your drug regime when your husband brought us your current medications yesterday. So, just to clarify—are you an alcoholic?”

I turn to Joel, as I haven’t the foggiest idea what they’re talking about.

“Cyanamid?” I ask in bewilderment, as he nods confirmation. “First I’ve heard of it, and I’m certainly not an alcoholic. All I know is that according to my doctor, the only cure for my condition was a liver transplant, which was never a realistic option since my health insurance wouldn’t cover such a procedure, and I certainly couldn’t afford to self-finance it.”

“I see.” Doctor Wang frowns. “All very puzzling. We’ll need to run some more tests just to confirm our initial findings, but as far as we can see, there is absolutely no requirement for you to undergo a liver transplant.”

I look at Joel again, my mind in a state of total confusion, unable to process any of it.

“But the doctor I saw…he said…there was no other way…” I force myself to continue. “After they’d completed the tests that were covered by my insurance, I was told a transplant was my only option, otherwise my condition would continue to deteriorate, meaning I only had a few months to live at best. I was sent away with pain killers, along with some vitamin tablets that were supposed to alleviate my condition.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, Mrs. Sadger, your doctor didn’t entirely mislead you.” Dr. Wang raises her eyebrows. “If you had continued taking that medication, you wouldn’t have lived much longer. Cyanamide is a highly toxic and deadly drug at the dosage you appear to have been taking.”

Although I’m sitting, it still feels as though my world is falling apart beneath me.

“But why would anyone want to poison me?” I cry out. “Joel, I don’t understand, who would want to hurt me so badly?”

He hugs me and holds me close to his chest and only then do I begin to feel reassured and safe.

“Baby, I think it’s time we called the police.”

---