Page 6 of Whispers of My Skin

If only I could take that time, but I can’t put this off for even a week, not with the bank breathing down my neck, along with my other more personal issues. I need him to start working with me right now.

“No need to think about my answer. I came here to take you to Redlands, you know that. So I’ll do whatever it takes,” I sigh in resignation.

“So you really are that desperate,” he states coldly, not bothering to turn and face me. He obviously thinks I’m pathetic, which makes me feel small, insignificant, helpless. An inconsequential blob of nothingness.

I can’t deny that a tiny part of me had foolishly imagined this might go differently, that Joel would be thrilled to see me, overjoyed at the opportunity to gain what he’d always wanted. I don’t mean the land or the money, but me. I’d secretly hoped that he’d still be in love with me. Stupid, foolish girl.

I should have realized that he hates what I represent, hates my family, hates how they treated him. I should have realized that he grew away from me years ago, and went on to make a success of his life through sheer hard work and determination.

The man in front of me is not the Joel I loved—he’s long gone. In his place stands a man hardened by time, who’s only interested in taking advantage of the opportunity I represent, along with the added bonus of rubbing humiliation in my face.

And what can I do about that? Precisely nothing.

You think I’m pathetic? Can’t argue with that.

You think I should just knuckle down and get on with sorting out this mess on my own? Trust me, if I could I would. I’ve tried so hard to cope, but I guess it all boils down to me not having what it takes. I’m not strong enough and I just can’t do it on my own. So, I’ve no choice. Either I hand everything, including me, over to Joel, or I lose Redlands. And then I’d have absolutely nothing.

I wasn’t raised to cope with any of this. After Daddy died so suddenly, the world as I knew it collapsed like a pack of cards. At first, I turned to my mom and stepdad for help, but now I realize they’re both useless. But then, so am I. My parents raised an utterly useless daughter, that’s the truth of the matter. A girl who is only good at spending money—a talent I excel in. I’m a good for nothing, empty air head.

But I have something more than a pretty empty head. Determination. And I’m willing to do anything for the ranch. For all those I love.

“When can I see the ranch books?” Joel’s brusque demand interrupts my internal brooding and self-loathing.

Silently, I reach into my purse for the USB memory stick with all the data I’ve pulled together. Bank statements, employee payroll info, debts incurred, contracts breached, contracts ongoing. Everything I thought might be relevant.

I reach over and place the USB stick on the polished surface of his desk. He grabs it up and immediately plugs it into his laptop, and gets on with downloading it. At least his interest is piqued.

“Are you shitting me? You’ve used up your entire overdraft and have no other available finances?” he exclaims.

I cringe and nod.

“Wow, things really are bad,” he comments, his attention still focused on the screen in front of him, rubbing his hand along his bristly chin as he concentrates.

I answer as best I can all his questions about the cattle on the ranch, the condition of the farm machinery, the morale of the workers and so forth.

“You have an overly large workforce, so the first priority has to be cutting back on staff. How the hell have you been covering the payroll?” Joel’s wasting no time in getting down to the nitty gritty.

“We started by selling off the Miami apartment, and after that we worked our way through the rest of my father’s property portfolio,” I confide, knowing he’s right about staffing levels. I just never had the confidence to tackle the issue, unsure about who was indispensable and who wasn’t. So I just kept digging to find the money, until we got to where we are now, with all our resources drained. “My mother’s husband handled all the property sales, and when those funds were depleted, he also handled selling the shares my father left me.” Joel nods his head and I take a breath before continuing. “All of the cars and some jewelry followed, but now there’s nothing left to sell. As you can see from the spreadsheets, our only income now is from the few remaining contracts, most of which are about to expire and are unlikely to be renewed.”

“I see you’re no longer into milk production.” Joel comments.

I sigh before answering, “The drought two years ago hit us pretty hard. Our irrigation system wasn’t up to the task, so we couldn’t fulfill some of our contracts. We got sued, ended up in court, and had to sell the dairy equipment to cover the legal costs.

“Who’s been responsible for negotiating your contracts?” Joel demands with a scowl.

“Oscar Lancaster, my mother’s husband.”

“Well, he’s a pretty shit negotiator,” he comments, studying the small print of the contracts on his screen. “Either this guy has his head full of sawdust, or he’s deliberately trying to mire you in debt. The conditions he agreed to were completely unrealistic, so I doubt anyone could have met them.”

“That bad?”

“Yeah, that bad,” he glances at me briefly, before turning his attention back to the screen.

I sit quietly, my eyes focused on my hands in my lap. I don’t interrupt while he continues to click through all the spreadsheets and data on his laptop.

Have things gone too far, have I left it too late? I’m too nervous to relax, my biggest fear being he’s going to say there’s no way even he can get us out of this mess.

I look around the office, taking stock of the simple space. In addition to his desk and a smaller matching table to one side, there’s a shelf with various accounting books, essays on livestock, plus some photos of cattle. No personal pictures, I note. The chair I’m sitting on has a twin by its side, but that’s all there is—there’s not even a coffee maker. The office is simple, austere and practical. While waiting for Joel to reach some sort of a conclusion, I stare out of the window at the majestic sunset tinting the sky orange.

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